The World According To Tom Ford

Mar 28, 2011Fashion

F&#k you if you are not a gentleman.

Tom Ford, that handsome renaissance man, went on record with a few of the by-laws that make up The Tom Ford Doctrine. Jefferson Hack interviewed him for AnOther Man about being a gentlemen. Let’s just call it the modern day Gentleman’s Agreement. I must say, we do see eye to eye on most things. He believes that:

  1. You should be the best that you can be. Check. (I took that suggestion from the Army ad song.)
  2. Gentlemen should work. (Check. Even if I had a Sugar Daddy, I would continue with I Mean…What?!?)
  3. Manners are very important such as opening doors for women. Check. (I was raised by all women, it was manners, or else.)
  4. Don’t be pretentious or racist or judgmental. Check-ish. (Pretentious: Surely I am not pretentious, ex-fatties and non-rich people who exclude those qualities are just sad. Racist: I was bussed to an all black high school. That’s called reverse racism. And in the end, we all just got along since I was a Quaalude dealer. Judgmental: Can’t help you there.)
  5. And finally, and I stand shoulder to shoulder with Tom on this: Men should not wear shorts in the city. (Check, see below AND click this link from an old Manzie Report specific to shorts.)

Letters To The Editor: July 17, 2009

Every other day, I receive complimentary emails about how much joy people get from reading I MEAN…WHAT?!?…and for that I am most grateful. This week, however, I received my first Dear I Mean..What?!? letter, asking for fashion advice. Kind of like Dear Abey…as it were. But not just general fashion advice. No, this was from a concerned male reader that under no circumstances wanted to be perceived as a Manzie.

Hey Abe,
Is it OK to wear shorts around Paris?  Your insight into what would be the best way to proceed would be much appreciated.  Any info much appreciated.  Thank you very much.  Thank you.
Paul

Hi Paul,
Feel free to send me an image of said shorts. I would think not, unless it’s really hot, like when they had that heat wave and a bunch of people died. BUT and this is a big BUT, the whole look should be relaxed. So, not having seen the shorts, perhaps wear a wife beater tank and a short sleeved man-tailored shirt that you keep open. Does this help? Peace and no Manzies.
ABE

Here’s my opinion on a plethora of shorts.

Army fatigues are OK. I lke them coupled with crisp white man-tailored shirt, tucked out, naturally.

Army fatigues are OK. I like them coupled with a crisp white man-tailored shirt, tucked out, naturally.

Low rise, army green...totlly good.

Low rise, army green...totally good.

Denim is always great. I prefer cut offs, and definitley not too short as the shorter you cut them, the nellier you look.

Denim is always great. I prefer cut offs, and definitley not too short as the shorter you cut them, the nellier you look.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

You're a man, not a Balenciaga bag. Snip, snip.

You're a man, not a Balenciaga bag. Snip, snip.

Need I say anything here? You know how I feel about this look that will not ever translate well into the streets. Not that Manzies should be discriminated at the workplace...but yikes.

Need I say anything here? You know how I feel about this look that will not ever translate into the streets. Not that Manzies should be discriminated at the workplace...but yikes.

Double yikes.

Double yikes.

Cargo shorts are a bit of a yikes especially if you put too much shit in the side pockets, then it is a total yikes.

Cargo shorts are a bit of a yikes especially if you put too much shit in the side pockets, then it is a total yikes, as the silhouette is beyond unflattering.

And leather and shorts should never be used in the same sentence.

The words leather and shorts should never be used in the same sentence.

I don't care what kind of sex you are into. Ooh, daddy, unsnap that crotch...I mean...what?!?

I don't care what kind of sex you are into.

Look, I have been a bitch about what people wear since I was knee-high to grasshopper. Since creating this forum, and receiving this note, it is official, that I am now official. Have a great weekend y’all. Keep the cards and letters coming. And be sure to send me images of random Manzies.

See more Manzie shorts, click here.

Then follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

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