The New Witches of Eastwick?
Now that the Kardashian’s have resumed being in the top spot of media placement, not a day goes by that we don’t know what is happening in their lives. Between romances, pregnancies, and marital bliss we are pretty much up-to-the-minute with the Kardashian girls. In today’s episode, KIM, KHLOE & KOURTNEY are hanging around the Kardashian Kalabasas Kompound Kitchen doing nothing, contrary to popular belief that what they really do is nothing.
INT. KARDASHIAN KALABASAS KOMPOUND – NIGHT
KIM, KHLOE & KOURTNEY are hanging around the Jenner house kitchen doing nothing, contrary to popular knowledge of what they really do, which is nothing.
KOURTNEY: (Laying on the couch, laptop on belly, eating Fluffer Nutter.) I am sooo tired.
KHLOE: (Enters holding martini.) From what exactly?
KOURTNEY: You try getting pregnant and talk to me then. You’ll see.
KHLOE: Kim, can you stand her?
KIM: (Kim is annoyed deep in text mode.) Another wardrobe malfunction?
KHLOE: Kim.
KIM: What?
KHLOE: Your sister is complaining about being tired from her pregnancy.
KIM: Kourtney, we are not being filmed right now, so you can take that pillow out of your shirt and relax.
KOURTNEY: I don’t know what you are talking about.
KHLOE: Bitch, the cameras are off, it’s just us. We know that you’re really not pregnant. Remember, I came up with that storyline because you were hovering on the brink of irrelevance according to the tabloids.
KOURTNEY: You bitch. (Takes out pillow.) Whatever. (Gets up to get a martini.)
KIM: Your idea? Hello, it was my idea to get Kourtney knocked up again. Once Kanye and I hooked up Kourtney needed something fast. (Gets up, goes to mirror.) You really are a bitch. (Sneaks a swig of booze.)
KHLOE: (To camera.) Seriously, we are all bitches.
KOURTNEY: That may be true, but you are the worst.
KIM: (Returns to seat.) Kourtney bring back that Fluffer Nutter. I am famished and friggen Kanye does not let me eat my fun foods. She is sooo demanding, that one.
KHLOE: I still can not believe that you are screwing Kanye West.
KOURTNEY: Are you really screwing Kanye or PR screwing Kanye?
KIM: Is there a difference?
KHLOE: Yes, one is for show, the other is for poontang. You guys need a man like Lamar. He does whatever I want.
KOURTNEY: That’s ’cause you have become his Sugar Mamma, girl.
KIM: He’s like the new black Kris Humphries.
KHLOE: Let me at her. (Goes to attack KIM.)
KOURTNEY gets between them.
KOURTNEY: Cut it out you two bitches.
KIM: Let’s face it, we don’t have the best luck with men.
KHLOE: Speak for yourself.
KIM: Come on, look at us. We are sooo amazing. No man is really truly worthy of us. Or me anyway, for sure.
KHLOE: You’re pathetic.
KOURTNEY: She has a point Madame Odom.
KHLOE: I happen to love Lamar and he loves me. You’re both just jealous.
KOURTNEY: Jealous of that thing? I don’t think so. Frankly, I like my situation the best.
KHLOE: What a fake pregnancy? That’s just sad.
KOURTNEY: At least I only have to deal with Scott’s little Disick when we are filming the show. You guys are all up in your mans’ business twenty-four-seven. That’s annoying beyond.
KIM: You just wish you could nail someone like Kanye West.
KOURTNEY: Are you high? (Kim checks her nose in mirror.) I would sooner get really pregnant with Scott’s little Disick.
KHLOE: Sisters, sisters, enough. This is no time for a pissing contest. We have a few precious hours to be real without the watchful eyes of Kris that bitch and her friggen cameras. Let’s just try to enjoy this moment.
KIM: First of all, don’t call me your sister until you get that friggen DNA test. And (B) if I wanted to enjoy myself, I would not be here with the two of you. I’d be with Kanye, Beyonce, Jay Z and Gwenythe Paltrow.
KHLOE: They, like we, think you are beyond annoying.
KIM: You both are just jealous.
KHLOE: You really are the world’s biggest bitch.
KOURTNEY: She’s not a bitch, dummy, she’s a whore.
KIM: (To camera) Help, I cannot believe that we have three more years of this shit. I have to get out of this contract. Ryan Seacrest, I hate you.
