Bing Bang Boing

Jun 7, 2009Breaking Newzzz
Bloggers are 7-10 million strong. Hear us roar.

Bloggers are 7-10 million strong. Bing needs to cater to us.

I’ve been an underdog my whole life. First as Jewish kid being raised in a predominantly anti-Semitic, blue-collar, armpit of a town in New Jersey. Second as a fat kid being raised in the pre-obese kids era that we live in now. I could go on, but will spare you my heartbreaking saga (the book is being written, naturally). As a new “blogger”, I am in the underdog position again, since there are 7 million to 10 million active blogs on in the Internet at any given time. Reading today’s Style Section of The New York Times (yes, I still do) there’s a piece called, Blogs Falling on an Empty Forest. Does this intimidate me? Nope. That which doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. Hence, I root for the underdog whenever possible. Just not today. I checked out Bing, Microsoft’s new search engine, that is determined to take on Google. And what do I think? “Awwww. Bingy. Poor baby.” Nice try. Shall I tell you why I think it’s fotz? Do you know what fotz is yet? Can you guess? (See footnote below.)

Give me this Bing any day of the week. This one could sing.

Give me this Bing any day of the week. This one could really sing.

So, I went to Bing this morning, with the hopes of becoming a Bing-er. To begin Bing-ing my way through life, Bing-ing like there is no tomorrow. A binge Bing-er, as it were, since I am now, a major Googler…Googgle-ing my tits off. Yes, I am an admitted Google-holic. (Raising my hand here) “Hi, I’m Abe, and I’m a Google-aholic.” Naturally, I ran to Bing, in the hopes of lining up another info-dealer, but it was a huge disappointment. I Bing-ed myself. Sure plenty of stuff came up under my name…seeing as I am Google-able, dear. But virtually nothing came up related to I MEAN…WHAT?!?…I mean…what?!? Sorry, Mr. Gates, but…that…is…totally…unacceptable. If you are going to laud Bing as “the new improved search engine” for the Internet, and my blog, which granted is still fresh, but I do track a very respectable audience, then something is wrong with your picture. Your search engine should cater to us bloggers. And if you want me to become a devout Bing-er, well, you have plenty of work to do. Until then, I just have to keep going to my Google Anonymous meetings in the hopes of keeping my addiction in check. And only Google when doing research…which fortunately, I need to do everyday because of I Mean…What?!? THAT WHICH DOES NOT EXIST IN THE BING UNIVERSE!

What exactly is FOTZ?

What exactly is FOTZ?

What is FOTZ?

Etymology: What started out as a sarcastic reference to something, someone, well, anything, that “thinks” they are fascinating. So, it went from fascinating to fotzinating to fotzy balloons to fotzy to the currently, most used…fotz. Her are a few good examples.

  • Bing is fotz.
  • What Madonna wore to the Costume Institute Gala was fotz.
  • George Bush was fotz…still probably is.
  • Most Repubicans are fotz.
  • Susan Boyle’s first set of makeovers were fotz.
  • People who believe their own press are really fotz.
  • Jon and Kate are uber-fotz.

What do you think is fotz?

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7 responses to “Bing Bang Boing”

  1. Bruce Hopman says:

    Englewood Cliffs was an armpit? And anti-semetic? You must have lived someplace else before you moved to the Cliffs.

    BTW,you might not have known it, but you were a pretty popular kid. I don't thinanyone thought of you as fat. Then again, I didn;t think anyone thought of me as short…

  2. Bruce Hopman says:

    Other things that are FOTZ:

    Donny Deutsch
    Adam Lambert

    ALL of the Real Housewives of NYC!!!

  3. Jonathan Reisman says:

    I think "fotz" is up there with "om" – a universal word that is preceded by silence and followed by more silence. I think that "fotz", in one short syllable, embodies the absurdity of living life inside one body that seems to be the center of the universe from birth until death. We humans all think we are great – perhaps this is the biggest, uber-, universe-sized fotz there is. Let "fotz" be the mantra of the human race as it chills the hell out in the 21st century.

  4. Ericka says:

    i vote for the commercial for Bing. OMG. it gave me an anxiety attack. at first it seemed clever, but then it built into this horrible cacophony that made my head spin.

  5. cinishii says:

    (smart)alec baldwin is fotz.

  6. david Lerner says:

    model actresses in LA are fotz
    perez hilton uber fotz
    selling leggings for a living is fotz

  7. […] to smell like a 90′s television actress whose movies don’t do well at the box office. Fotz. It just seems like Camp Justin has run a muck with his marketability and convinced him that […]

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