“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

I don’t know who I fear most: Nigerian bankers, (surely American bankers give me the willies), or Yemenites or Charlie Sheen, and while I’m at it…Ivana Trump. Starting with Ivana. I actually share her sentiments with her yelling at a baby on board a flight from Florida to NYC yesterday. You know that feeling, once you are comfortably seated on the plane and some third world mother and her kid(s) or worse, a white woman and one kid, one who has not yet heard the word “no” plops down alongside you…well…it puts me over the edge anyway. And, apparently Ivana, too, since she was escorted off a flight, even after it had started taxi-ing down the runway. Now, you have to be pretty unruly for that maneuver to kick in. Kind of like the Nigerian kid on that Northwest flight.

Speaking of that Nigerian kid. Yikes. Yesterday I did a piece on Charlie Sheen being from the Lucky Sperm Club. Who would have thunk that this Umar or Abdul Whatever-the-Hell was one of those as well. A 23-year old living in a four million dollar flat in London alone can never amount to good news. Privilege, schmivilege. Whether you are from Beverly Hills, the Five Towns of Long Island or the Upper East Side of New York City, putting a long, expensive leash on a brat that was probably never said no to, will only amount to major drama. Rehab or terrorist. Yes, these are the options.

Bankers overall are a scary notion. They steal by day and raise entitled brats by night. Something like a Charlie Sheen. Let me put it this way, I would not want to bump into Sheen in a dark alley OR a lush home in Aspen…especially if it has a fully-stocked bar. I notice that the little Mrs., Brooke Mueller, has been silent since the incident on Christmas. Surely you heard about the whooping she had, or as  Mary J. Blige would say, “Getting all Chris Brown on her ass”. Boy, Brooke must have struck a really good deal with Charlie’s handlers in exchange to zip it. This is her ticket out of Dodge and she is not going to make one wrong move by yattling to the press about mean old Chuckles, man of high pay.

END NOTE: Anyway you slice it, there is much to fear in our many fair cities. If it is not terrorists on planes, then it’s raging alcoholics and drug addicts raised in affluent homes on either coast. Case in point, Andrew Madoff’s son just was approved for a hand gun. I Mean…What?!?