“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Don’t you love people who shoot themselves in the foot? I sure do. It makes me very happy and few things make me very happy. Like a Percocet and a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or watching the snow fall from my bedroom window, which overlooks downtown Manhattan. Red Carpet arrivals make me happy, too, and last night’s SAG Awards was no exception. Winner is Mila Kunis. Let’s hear it for Alexander McQueen‘s busiest week. But in the case of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, their perfunctory need to yattle off at the mouth–spewing Tea Party nonsense–well, that makes me very happy. Sure, my work is cut out for me, in my zeal and commitment to render them useless. But thankfully, they help me along the way because every time they say something, it is as though they shoot themselves in the foot.

Michele Bachmann‘s rebuttal to President Barack Obama‘s speech last Tuesday proved how desperate she is to be the key voice of the Republican Party. And Sarah Palin is by no means going to give up her place in the spotlight to Bachmann, who doesn’t have as good a head of hair. My suggestion is that we do a special episode of MTV’s Celebrity Death Match with these two broads and “May the best woman win“, to quote Ru Paul. Surely Sarah Palin would win because she would whip out her pistol. Oh and by the way Michele, next time you make a grand weeping statement to the United States at large, talk into the camera. You looked retarded…as in special needs…as in handicapable….as in retarded. And Sarah, figures you would have a comment about Sputnik, since you can see Russia from your backyard. To quote Bugs Bunny, “What a bunch of maroons.”