“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

With the big news that Rick Santorum does not stand a chance of becoming the Republican nominee in the Race for the White House, much of the other news in the morning papers is more nonsensical than Rick Santorum himself. Sometimes one has to take these bits and pieces of rubbish and share them with his friends. Starting with Miss Piggy, I mean Snooki, pictured above. Word is she is pregnant but in a bind because they just started filming the new reality series Snooki & JWoww, a modern day version of Laverne & Shirley. What could be less interesting… Read More »

  Just when you thought Chris Brown could not get any douche-ier, comes word that “she” continues to say the stupidest things on Earth. According to Us Weekly, the 22-year-old has acquired a new pick-up line when it comes to talking to the ladies. The singer reportedly approached an attractive brunette at a Grammy Awards gift lounge on Feb. 10 and asked: ‘Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you!’ Chris “The Douche” Brown has graced the pages of IMW for years now. Since whooping Rihanna’s ass to throwing a chair in the window of Good Morning… Read More »

Whitney Houston had the voice of an angel. Tonight she is singing with her tribe.… Read More »

Attention K-Mart Shoppers: You will no longer be the brunt of the joke for being bad-haired, car-coat wearing, schleppers who roam the aisles because there is a new breed of shopping low-lives. These folks troll the Target stores for when a designer presents a capsule collection like the recent Jason Wu dress fest and scarfs up as much product as they can carry and balance on their head. Not because they want to wear the stuff, on the contrary. Their goal is resale so I hereby call them Target Whores. Target Whore: A Target Whore is a person or couple… Read More »

What I would really like to know is, how many gay people have mothers that are members of the group One Million Moms? The brouhaha that is currently brouhaha-ing between J.C. Penney and Ellen DeGeneres seems like such a weird non-starter. But since we are in a political year, the evil-doing Republicans  have captured the media’s attention with all their retarded Presidential Debates. Even horny at-home moms want in on the media action.  And (B) just because the organization is called One Million Moms, does not make for one million actual moms. Betcha it is more like the number that… Read More »

Busy Phillips needs to get busy finding a stylist if she is going to be the arm candy of Michelle Williams at the Oscars. And while I am at it, Maria Menounos and a few Gleeks need to follow suit, sans Michelle.… Read More »

When I learned of Demi’s overdose last weekend, I immediately wrote a piece that included the below entry from November, titled Cougar Fatigue. My sweet nephew was appalled and asked me to take it down. But after I learned the details of what happened that night—which I will NOT share here—as always I was right. So here it is again. Cougar Fatigue is clearly what Demi Moore was suffering from.  But now, I guess we can say that Demi is now officially suffering from Post Cougar Fatigue. A syndrome that older women and even older gay men suffer from. Keeping… Read More »

Poor Demi. She was just rushed off to the hospital for doing too much blow, reminiscent of her character on St. Elmo’s Fire. Last November I wrote a piece on Cougar Fatigue. Maybe this recent blow situation is a residual effect of that phenomenon and rather than really having done actual blow, she realizes that, “My life blows.” Poor Heather Locklear who was also rushed to the hospital for a drug related overdose. So what exactly is in the warm smoggy air? Clearly the wind blows. Ashton Kutcher and Jack Wagner may need to start their 12 Step Program: Celebrity… Read More »

I have little to say about the Paula Dean Blubbergate situation. After all, who doesn’t love a deep-fried butter and bacon sandwich and a with a tiramisu-milkshake-made-with-3-scoops-of-fried-ice-cream chaser? What is annoying is her phony admonition on The Today Show when she said to Al “Friend of the Fried” Roker, “I’ve always encouraged moderation. People see me cooking all these wonderful, Southern, fattening recipes … it’s for entertainment. People have to be responsible.” Really Paula? You said that on your show? Or are you just a big, fat liar? The word moderation has not left your lips since you were told… Read More »

Bummer! AMI, that high-brow publisher news sources such as the Star and Radar Online have backed off the Kardashian Khronicle. Just when I was so looking forward to curling up in my leopard print, fire-retardant Kardashian Snuggie from Sears to catch up on all the lovely (fake) stories that Kris Jenner wanted me to read. Shucks, back to Joan Didion and Chelsea Handler. The news is that Kris was acting like the Momager Bitch From Hell and demanded 100% control of editorial content. “AMI chief David Pecker made it clear that there was no way he was going to tell… Read More »