“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Ok. Who’s gonna bitch slap those Somali pirates? I mean…who do they think they are playing with? And if it is not going to be Barak Obama, not that he doesn’t have good reason, since all our troops are in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Border of Mexico  and looming large over North Korea, then who? ‘Cause, girl? They are really pissing me off. Case in point: In the 1970’s, I was bussed to a really, really dangerous high school, and these Somali pirates remind me of the kids who bullied me and my friends. When I had finally had enough, I… Read More »

Everywhere I turn there’s something big and gay happening in the news. If it isn’t the front page of The New York Times Style section (Adam Lambert), or the New York Post (Martina Navratilova’s Galimony Suit), then it’s in the The Iowa Gazette (What did we just do?). Surely gays are top of mind this season. We are the new black of news stories. It must be an economy-related phenomenon. The last time we were so “on trend” was in the late 70’s when I first moved to New York City and became a club kid at Studio 54. Then… Read More »

It’s time for me to chime in on this gay marriage issue. Clearly I am not an opponent nor am I a proponent either. I’m from the school of “live and let live”, so if two gay people want to get married…by all means, make it legal in every state, you have my blessing. I think you’re nuts…but go right ahead. The notion of marriage has always seems a bit archaic to me, straight, gay or otherwise. Monogamy is a challenging notion that defies gravity: that which is forbidden becomes obsession. Yes, there are those lovely exceptions; couples that are… Read More »

This is the Holy Trinity of holiday times with Passover and Easter melding together like one long reason not to work too hard. I have been wondering when the Easter equivalent of Kwanzaa was going to appear, seeing that “holiday” popped up out of nowhere several years ago. And now with Barak Obama as president, well this new (old) holiday is bound to appear. Maybe then we can declare some kind of official bank holiday in honor of the three ancient religions. And if ever there was a time to give bankers a break…this would be it.… Read More »

We can all agree now that it was Oprah who single-handedly handed Barak Obama the election. Yeah sure, he ran the best campaign ever, and no doubt, he struck a chord in the heart and minds of the usually disenfranchised youth and black voters, hence handily getting him elected. But at the end of the day, it was our O that paved the way. Now the president (O) is pulling an Oprah (O) causing all sorts of confusion. Who is O now? Isn’t O, O? Will the real O please stand up? Has O co-oped O’s moniker? Let’s face it,… Read More »

Now that Alan Greenspan has left the main stage, after fucking up our economy, word is from his new book, “The Age Of Turbulence” (or How I Fucked Up the World Economy) that we can gauge the state of the economy by looking at the sales of “male underpants”. I mean…what?!? Greenspan was known for his “quirky, proletariat metrics to judge the temperature of the economy”, but the male underpants thing sounds a bit kinky…no? Do you think he studied all the men’s underwear ads in an effort to garner inspiration for his economic philosophies? You know, just lay out… Read More »

Mayor Michael Bloomberg really has no reason to be all freaked out. He’s a gajillionaire, he’s ahead in the polls for the next election cycle, which is what his gajillions bought…a possible third term…and now he’s hired everyone that has been recently unemployed to help with his re-election campaign, including all of Hilary’s screwballs. So, then I read that “his campaign sought to overpower any candidate considering challenging him, Mr. Bloomberg commissioned a telephone poll last month that spread derogatory information about Representative Anthony D. Weiner one of the mayor’s possible rivals in the race.” Uhhh….Bloomy, chill. You’re acting like… Read More »

The reason I started I Mean…What?!? was to draw attention the nonsense that fills the airwaves. The modern day media frenzy has become the master ill of our time; destroying the lives of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. Granted, they are annoying, but two wrongs don’t make a right. With the media outlets fearing loss of market share and ad revenue, they jump into sensationalist mode where no one is safe, and no story too boring to blabber on ad nauseum. I speak today of the little goose that Michelle Obama did to the Queen of England’s rear. I would… Read More »

Here we go again. Another Hilton heir is on the rise. Paris and Nikki’s younger brother Barron Nicholas, who as of late has been partying all around London, has  “officially” decided he wants to be something, do something, sing something. And I quote: “I’m sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bleeps] I was sleeping with. I’m done with partying and traveling. It’s time to get this [bleep] started.” I am trying to figure out what was bleeped out here. Hmmm, how many bleeps… Read More »

My favorite Oxycontin addict, Rush Limbaugh, has promised to move out of New York City now that Governor Patterson has upped the tax code for the rich. Next stop Texas where he can pal around with Bushy. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. And that is front page news? Well, yes, good news anyway. And with the exodus of that gross baboon comes a ray of hope that true, cool people will prevail and we’ll take back New York from the riff-raff that began to inhabit once the Disney-fication took hold during the Giuliani years. Toodles galore…all of you.… Read More »