“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »

Who doesn’t love the Golden Girls? Each of the four lovely ladies are etched in the pop culture vernacular. Learning of Rue McClanahan’s death is just another reminder that we are all out of here…sooner or later. So…here’s to much, much later. Rue…you did good on Earth by bringing joy to many for years. I am sure Betty White will chime in on how great you were too. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTH3arTgURo&NR=1… Read More »

While dilly-dallying this morning, I came upon a few people who were recently photographed that somehow fit into a nice neat box. A fotz box. Now, I know that not everyone can be a supermodel or Gwyneth Paltrow, who has been on more red carpets lately than…well…red carpets. I just thought there was a through line between these subjects and wanted to see them up on the IMW screen-a-tron. I can not quite put my finger on it…but there is a certain yenteh quality that these folks share.… Read More »

Awww, poor baby. Skank got your tongue? And other similarly shaped parts? Jesse James sits down for an interview and surely he must feel remorse that his whole butch straight act is no looked at as a stupid, low rent, low class, nobody that lucked out. We’ve watched you from The Celebrity Apprentice through the Michelle Bombshell McGee debacle and the bottom line is….like every one of these skanks, you will rise from the ashes because the fact remains…Illicit Sex: The Stepping Stone to a Media Career. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5dscSiJyh8… Read More »

Perez Hilton was busy hawking his one-man, boy band, Travis Garland on American Idol and the end result was…yikes. Perez Hilton had the balls to compare this My Space novice to, “Justin Timberlake…only better.” The performance was sad. Sadder than punch actually. The dancers were fotz…and that girl titillating Travis was so stagey lame that I can not believe that no one stopped that routine before it was too late…as in making it to air. Give me a friggen break Marlene. Stop telling us how horrine Lindsay Lohan is and relax. Speaking of stagey lame, Justin Bieber came out to… Read More »

Last night I watched my first episode of The Hills. Yikes. There is not one redeemable character on that show. The way Kristin Cavallari drones on and on in Valley Girl speak makes my skin crawl. Has she been shot up with too much Novocaine? Kristin does not close her mouth to enunciate complete words. Moving on…to Brody Jenner…who is a hottie no doubt…but do you think he loves himself a bit too much? He is surely the kind of character that gets killed off early in those teen horror movies. Audrina Patridge is OK, but her choice in men,… Read More »

Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump‘s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross Baboon of the Year look that all of Tiger Woods‘ skanks share. Now, I am all for racy, but didn’t Carrie Prejean…nutbag hypocrite extraordinaire…get chastised for being a skank? Will this new pageant action shift the talent portion of the evening? Will we see Fellatio?… Read More »

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans.… Read More »

What is the deal with Vanity Fair‘s obsession with Tiger Woods and his merry band of hookers? The new issue, on stands today, continues its coverage of the Gross Baboons that brought down America’s most boring sports superstar. The Temptation of Tiger Woods, Part Two digs deeper into this less-than-riveting story, which is sooo yesterday’s breakfast. Surely I am not alone when scratching my head wondering why Vanity Fair, my favorite (or used to be favorite) magazine would spend their resources and time on something that could have lived on thier blog and save the printed pages for more compelling… Read More »