“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Not that I didn’t predict this, but Mel Gibson has put the final nail in his own coffin…and all I can say is, “Toodles, you psychotic nut bag”. Listening to the chilling tape of Mel ranting to the mother of his newest baby, whom he has recently clocked in the jaw, I agree with Oksana Grigorieva when she says to him that he needs medication. However, the only the medication I would prescribe to that anti-semite is arsenic…to put him out of his misery once and for all. The pity here is that Hollywood has continued to go back to him for more, showing their spinelessness. Perhaps now that the movie-going public…a.k.a. $12.50 per head…has gotten wind of his evil antics, they will cut all ties. Alas, we ain’t heard the last of him, trust me. Some right-wing producer will come running to Mel’s side “in the name of salvation” and he will be welcomed with open arms by the Tea Baggers. Look, they need a celebrity endorsement, right? Maybe Mel could run as Vice President alongside Sarah “The Other Self-Righteous Zealot” Palin in 2012. Let’s face it, they’d make a great couple.

Here’s what I love about Mel Gibson, and any other self-righteous celebrity ass like Anita Bryant, Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, or the many Republicans currently in office like Sarah Palin: They know that “the Lord giveth and then taketh away”. (NOTE: That quote comes from The Ejaculatory Prayer. Get where I’m going here?) Anyhoo, when celebrities lives get all convoluted because of their desperate need to be seen and heard, coupled with their pathetic attempt to spread Godliness like venereal disease, is when they get a good dose of God for themselves. And not in the way they were hoping. Every scandal that involves one of these maroons ends up with them begging for salvation…in public…on television…sobbing.

This is why religion should always remain a personal, private matter. Ask any recovering addict, spirituality is an inside job. That’s why God is invisible. If he wanted to be seen and heard, he’d have his own talk-based/reality show running on several channels, like an Oprah meets The Kardashians hybrid.