“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

So Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston went to dinner. That is riveting headline news, no? Could it be because they are at the same agency or true love? I shall stay up nights wondering.

This Real (?) New Jersey Housewife is being threatened by her ex-"thing" regarding the release of a sex tape. Please, I am vomiting. At least with the Leighton Meester video, she's young and stunning. The images of this hag would be up there with the images from Dov Charney's news photo spread for American Apparel (see below).

Dov Charney is incredibly annoying and this photo shoot of ugly nerds is so "quirky"', that I think I shall gag. If ever there was a reason not to buy American Apparel, it is when these meeyes-kites (ugly people in Yiddish) become their spokes models.

Let me get this straight, Olive Garden pulled their ads from Letterman due to that Palin Family Feud? How's this for a reality check, who has ever eaten at an Olive Garden? I never have and wonder how they even exist in New York City. It's like embarrassing to be seen entering or leaving that suburban, mall-fest, all-you-can-eat animal trough. Please O.G., take your pasta specials and shove them up....

Catch this: Reader's Digest refuses to admit that they are shifting their content and tone in a more conservative direction. Wait, are you telling me that this has not always been the case with this mini-rag? When I see a Reader's Digest at the check out counter, I naturally just bow down, do a few Hail Mary's then flog the nearest homosexual.

This loud noodnik has the balls to say that "people just want Obama to go away". Hey Jim Cramer, you have that completely wrong. It is YOU that needs to go away forever, but not before we give you The World's Most Annoying Human Being on Earth Award.

Believe it or not, this image was featured as part of a Washington Best Dressed story on the Huffington Post. How's this for the answer...NEITHER. Valerie Jarret and Desiree Rogers should just stick to their day jobs and leave the fashions to Michelle Obama and Jill Biden, who by the way, (Jill) get's my vote.

These two just crossed each other out. Jill wins. yes, Michelle has fierce moments, but several misses.

Kiddies, I love Michelle plenty...but let's face facts. Jill wins.

So, out of the blue, Monica Lewinsky is in the news. Hmmm, could she be planning a return to the States? Duh.

Lauren Conrad actually went on record giving advise under the title, Seven Lessons in Life by Lauren Conrad. Well, Deepak Chopra, time to pack your bags, as now, your Seven Spiritual Laws of Success have now lost their relevance...like totally.

Gross! Jon Gosselin, from annoying Jon and Kate fame (I mean...what?!?), is looking for a place to live in New York City. Well, at least someone will frequent the Olive Garden now. As for me...I am loading up my truck and moving to Beverly...Hills that is...swimming pools, real movie stars.