I have been producing events for more years than I care to admit, believe me, moss has grown plenty underfoot. In the business of fabulii, there must be pictures the next day on the internet or else you have not done the job well. Rather, you failed miserably. It’s as simple as that. Yes, there are those events that require no media attendance, like the ones I used to do when living in Los Angeles at the homes of certain celebs, and frankly, those are the best attended, celebrity wise. But outside of those exceptions, in order to prove your salt, you need to do those typical events, clad in red carpet, or at least a step and repeat wall…or else why are you on Earth? How else do you justify your existence? In the end, it all boils down to that friggen step and repeat wall. Whoever calculated that your logo shown in a magazine or on TV represents dollars was surely the scam artist of the century. And yet, everyone still buys into that formula, where as I think it is such a crock of hooey….that I can’t think straight. Alas, it must be done. So, let’s take a look at the plethora of hag-fests…that which I call the “events” that get press, in spite of themselves. Here is a list of recent events, hagfests extraordinaire, that were recently highlighted on the web.
1. Cappie Pondexter’s Release Party…who? what? why? really?
Therre's a party for everybody. And Cappie Pondexter is no exception. Imagine being one of those people trying to get on the list to get in. Ouch.
2. Suzanne Shaw Launches Tesco Mobile Unlimited Minutes…who? what? why? really?
So, let me get this straight, 'cause Suzanne Whoever says Tesco Mobile is the way to go...you go? The only thing that is unlimited here is how ridiculous that notion is.
3. 27th Annual Quick Chek New Jersey Festival Of Ballooning…of what?
Look, who am I to judge if Michael McDonald needs a few bucks. Let him go in good health. But a ballooning event in New Jersey? Oy. Talk about hitting rock bottom. I call this fotzy ballooning.
Read more and
4. 2nd Annual Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Skins Classic…starring Kevin Federline…Yikes.
Kevin was admonished for his shorts in my recent report on men's shorts. Seems like he is not a reader of I Mean..What?!? Someone help this man.
See? Theres that cheesy step and repeat wall. Agida.
5. Celebration Of Executive Chef Robert Hesse’s Return To Season 6 Of “Hell’s Kitchen”…
No Hamptons weekend goes without a major hagfest. This surely was one of the highlights. Could you just plotz from the yikes of it all?
6. 2009 Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge – Week 2…Hamptons Brech Fest
Am I insane or who you sooner cut your eyes out rather than hang out with Jon Goselin in the Hamptons? What on God's green Earth am I missing here? Him and a couple of the Housewives from New York City? Help! Send me to the looney bin...fine.
Oy vey.
7. Melissa Rycroft Hosts At The Azure Pool And Ultra Lounge
Besides, "Are you kidding?" can you say, "The end of the world is nigh". Other attendees (I am lifting this right off the site) were belly buttons, brown sandals, fiance.
8. Tide & Bounce Attend BlogHer 2009 with Tide’s Special Guest & Fashion Authority Tim Gunn
No hagfest is complete without a bunch of hags...shown here.
9. Juliet Kaska’s Birthday Celebration
In case you were wondering...duh...Juliet is a "celebrity" trainer. Shown here with, no doubt, client Maureen McCormack...nutbag extraordinaire...we can safely say that she is a celebrity trainer, like I am going to the moon.
10. Natural Earth Celebrity Fundraiser For Project Genesis: Inside
With Sally Kirkland in tow...yowza. So you see kids, in order to be an effective event producer, all you need is a gaggle of hags and a few bucks to hire a photo service agency. Secret revealed.
We had more star power at brunch
Whoa. Speaking of turning your "desperate/clueless" levels way up. I can't even try to understand these people. It's like trying to understand people who like guns, or who like to throw kittens against a wall. But it starts with the PR people who create the platforms for this crap to begin with. I can just hear them say: "I have an amazingly glamorous idea: let's do the "Axe Body Spray Lounge" in the Hamptons this year!", "Oh wow Jeni, that IS a really neat idea!".
all i can say is, thank you. always nice to start my day with a good laugh.
Perhaps it's the current economic climate, but events such as Kaska birthday party work hard to attempt to detract from the self absorption factor by featuring a charity (no gifts, please!). Events like this have hardened me to challenge good intentions, esp. with the array of sponsors/events (horse racing, vodka, bikini models) that to me are not "top of mind" when I think of cancer care.