“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Congratulations Alicia Keys.  Not only are you multi-talented, beautiful, a mom, a mentor, a philanthropist, a superstar, a wife, a sista soldja, phew, but your campaign to raise One Million Dollars, launched on World AIDS Day to benefit Keep A Child Alive has been achieved. You can now rest easy that you have more than carved your way into heaven. The campaign was based on killing off the digital lives of celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga, Ryan Seacrest, Justin Timberlake, Usher, Jennifer Hudson, Khloe Kardashian, Lenny Kravitz, Jay Sean, Swizz Beatz, Serena Williams, Elijah Wood, Janelle Monae, Nikki Sixx, Kimberly Cole, David LaChapelle, and Daphne Guinness. Just to be clear, that means that these Twitter-aholics could not use Twitter until the money was raised. With those folks silenced, it brought new meaning to the expression Silence = Death. Word is that they were all freaked that it was taking so long to raise the money. Lord knows, they could have chipped in from their personal bank accounts and be done with it. Just sayin’. But, thanks to the generosity of billionaire Steward Rahr, who donated over $500,000, all those celebs can resume their endless blather. Apparently Usher lost his cookies and started Tweeting before the money was raised. Relax Marlene.