“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Let it be said that I called the Sarah Palin getting a Fox News deal early this summer. I wrote: “You can ask my sister Vivian, as we were watching the freakishly neurotic and overly audible Sarah Palin resignation speech on CNN, though we were shocked that they broke away from the Michael Jackson Minutia Report, that I immediately turned to her and quoted Deep Throat and said, “Follow the money”. Sarah Palin, the smart but insane sexist windbag, will write her book, which will read like a diary from an eight grader, do a massive book tour throughout the… Read More »

So help me if they cast Tom Hanks as General Petraeus, I will scream. Paula Broadwell could be cast by Diane Lane, since she wishes she were her, and Jill Kelley can be played by Kim Kardashian. Well if the illicit sex fits…… Read More »

Seems like whatever BP Oil did to close up the hole in the Gulf of Mexico a couple of summers ago did not take with Mel Gibson. Back then I wrote once BP capped the spill to use that same technique on Mel Gibson, when he would not shut up and ranted on and on. Well, perhaps BP knows oil wells but cannot contain Mel “The Nut” Gibson. How on Earth does Hollywood keep hiring this guy? Is there no other talent out there? The fact is, there is, and to support insane lunatics like Gibson is being equally responsible… Read More »

Q. What is the meaning of hypocrisy? A. The pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude. FACT: You cannot walk around trashing Miley Cyrus for doing a lap dance with an old queen like Adam Shankman and consider the new Miss USA marketing campaign a good idea. FACT: You cannot watch Jersey Shore and think it is hilarious, anxiously waiting Season Two, then judge Miley Cyrus for being too young to be sexy. FACT: You cannot be a self-righteous Tea Bagger (Sarah Palin) with a daughter that just so happens to be a teenage mother out of wedlock.… Read More »

The tide has turned for Sarah Palin. I recently said, “I don’t care how often Sarah Palin appears on Fox News, nor how disdainfully she speaks of our President while giving kudos to Donald “Orange” Trump for being the Birther-in-Chief, the fact remains that the wind is out of her sail and I couldn’t be happier. Michele Bachmann has stolen her thunder and she must be freaking out.” Boy, what a difference a weekend makes. That One Nation Tour Bus is kicking Michele and every Republican hopeful in the pants. Imagine the ego bloat that those two reality stars, Sarah… Read More »

So ABC-TV casting executives are wracking out their brains as to who they can cast for the next season of Dancing With Has-Beens…I mean…Dancing With The Stars. They are fatootzed as to how to top the Bristol Palin coup d’états. Word is that DWTS was originally after Todd Palin for this past season and that Sarah Palin, in her unyielding control freak way, offered up Bristol Palin as a peace offering with the intention to bring grace back to the out of wedlock teenage mom. Let’s face it, Bristol, left to her own devices would just as quickly cast herself… Read More »

Fortunately, I am not one of the 23 million people tuning in to watch Dancing With The Stars. Never have, never will. As far as I am concerned, it is the place where sad hags go to pasture. It is The Biggest Loser set to music. There’s nothing stars about DWTS. A star to me will always be something greater than who the media touts as being a star. Angelina Jolie is a star. Brandy is not. Robert Downey Jr. is a star, The Situation is not. Another non-star is Bristol Palin. Excuse me, but having a child out of… Read More »

What ever happened to the age of innocence when we feared a George Orwellian future? When George W. Bush Jr. was in power, his Big Brotherness proved Orwell’s predictions had come true. Now, just a couple years later, we have something far greater to fear than George Bush, which is a Sarah Palin White House based on the film The Truman Show. You think that’s not possible? With Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin the new stars of reality television, you don’t think that sick bitch would not want to chronicle her years in the White House for ego sake alone?… Read More »

Who besides me thinks Patti Stanger is an overblown yenteh who has no business advising people on matters of the heart since she herself has failed miserably? The real question is, can you find solace from people who are guilty of, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Once again The New York Times Style Section has a lead story that has nothing to do with style. On the contrary, Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker is anything but stylish…rather…she borderlines on tacky. In fact, Ms. Stanger is a recent nominee for I MEAN…WHAT?!? Gross Baboon of the Year. I… Read More »

Mayor Levi Johnston. Now that has a nice ring…huh? Fresh off the heels of his super-public split from Bristol Palin, baby-daddy Levi Johnston has announced from the Teen Choice Awards Blue Carpet that he will seek a run for the mayor-ship of Wasilla, Alaska. You know, that fair little town in our 49th state where Sarah Palin professed to see as far as Russia. Good old eagle-eye Sarah. It must be quite mountainous there. What is odd is how quickly Levi was able to announce the new reality series, working title: Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office. From… Read More »