“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

By any chance, are you one of the 72 people that watches High Society? Isn’t it shocking how annoying Jules Kirby, Paul (wishes he was an heir to) Johnson Calderon and PrinceSS Adolf von Schtunkenberry are? And yo, Tinsley Mortimer, what’s the deal with all these phony situations? Doesn’t the CW11 realize this is as queer as a three dollar bill? That fake drama around the fake charity event could not have been more lame. It was like a fundraiser for Tinsley’s Q rating. Why am I watching this crap, you ask? So that I can report to you, my… Read More »

I have not talked about politics for quite a while. And there have been moments of absolute horror while reading the Huffington Post about the goings on in Washington, DC. Much of what was happening within our democracy over the past year had me dumbfounded. I began to loose faith…I closed my eyes…I turned the other cheek. When I became horrified…correction, mortified at some of the libelous and slanderous things that the nay-sayers…correction, Tea Partyers were saying, did I voice my concern? No. I am guilty as charged for frolicking through the fabulostiy of fashion and calibrating the crunk of… Read More »

Just watched the press conference with Tiger Woods, looking all pouty and apologetic for have endless amounts of glommy and poontang with a gaggle of hussies. I am not buying any of it. As you all know, golf has never been a big attraction for me, so why would I hang on every word that someone that wears pleated slacks. Anyway, I could only imagine what Rachel Uchitel (Lips McGilicutty) was doing during this press conference. She, who was his weekend sex toy, who reveled in Tiger’s salacious requests for constant sexual favors between golf holes. (Stop) Who wouldn’t want… Read More »

So, now I have heard everything…but this ditty takes the cake. My inside source in Albany said that New York Governor David Paterson is embroiled in a controversy that will make you chapp dein kop (hold your head in Yiddish). The New York Times is working on the story, which is said to break momentarily. Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the Elliot Spitzer tree and there is a rumor that the Governor used public funds to cop drugs (blow) and hookers (blow). Can you stand it? Blow squared? I would like to think this is not true…but since… Read More »

After what was surely the greatest media story on Earth, second to the death of Michael Jackson, The Tiger Woods Affair…rather….affairs, took an unexpected turn when Elin, the long suffering golf club aficionado, reunited with her overly poontanged husband, Tiger. In the midst of that media flurry, when the public was introduced to 13 of the skankiest bitches on the planet, Elin hired an attorney and the prospect of 350 million dollars was surly the best reason to leave her philandering, sex addict of a husband for Sweden’s lake shores. But, the holidays came and went and Elin must have… Read More »

Nice doo, doll. Say what you want about Jake “Heartthrob” Gyllenhaal, but I think he is beyond vanilla. In this Prince of Persia promo shot, he is more Princess of Persia, with the pouty-lip, deer-caught-in-a-headlights look, which is reminiscent of Loredana Jolie. See what I mean?… Read More »

Ah, the allure of fame. Fortune tends to follow suit…unless you are Nick Lachey or Jon Gosselin. But, those are the exceptions to the rule. Back to fame. “Celebrity is obscurity waiting to happen,” says Carrie Fisher. And true dat. So who makes the list this week? Could it be anyone from the cast of Ugly Betty? That would be a yes. There is also Lordana Jolie, winner, Gross Baboon of the Year. Or perhaps it is Mel B…AGAIN…since I put her on the original Last Five Minutes of Fame List when I launched this category…fyi.… Read More »

What do Jon Gosselin, Hailey Glassman, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have in common? The fact that they are common. Longtime nobody Hailey Glassman has figured her way back into the media glare and boy, must she be in pig heaven. Well, if the shoe fits. We now have a story that she ransacked Jon Gosselin‘s, (the other pig in this story) New York City apartment, leaving a threatening note at the end of a knife. Ooooh….chills. The antics that these two (remember, water seeks its own level) gross baboons have been up to since they first made the scene… Read More »

Let us take a moment to observe the human species. You know, the mere mortals that plod along, making hay while the sun shines and other such honorable activities. Now, let’s take two such humans, and see how they spent their Christmas. This might shed some light on the condition we call human, while identifying the the difference between a good guy and a member of the “Lucky Sperm Club”. Our first human is Jasper Schuringa, a little known, rather, completely unknown film director wanna-be from Holland, who happened to be on that potentially doomed Delta flight from Amsterdam to… Read More »

Am I just an old, jaded, desensitized grump who disagrees with everything out of sheer habit or do I say what many people feel, and don’t say anything?!? Looking at the list that Barbara Walters (Babba Wawwa for those of you who remember Rosanne Rosanna Danna) put together for her 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 reads like the 10 Most Googled People on Earth. Frankly, Google should do their own online TV show and let Babba settle into the distance. Google-able and Fascinating are not the same thing in my mind. Let’s discuss for one minute the word fascinating.… Read More »