“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Ahhh, The Sunday New York Times Style section. My secured ticket to an I Mean…What?!? And it rarely disappoints these days. No matter how lame some of the articles in The Times Style (remember, this an oxymoron) can be, I will never stop reading it because the Sunday Times is everyone who’s anyone’s ritual. And now with these commentaries, it’s my new, improved ritual.… Read More »

Looking through the Vanity Fair International Best Dressed List was a bit of a head scratch-er for me. First of all, can we eliminate men from this challenge? When I think of Best Dressed lists, Mr. Blackwell’s Best Worst Dressed comes to mind as does Eleanor Lambert, who originated the Best Dressed List in 1940. Rarely do I think of men when we speak of Best Dressed lists. This year’s list in Vanity Fair had too many men, the images are lame and frankly, I don’t look to Vanity Fair for their opinions on fashion. I loves me my Vanity… Read More »

There aren’t many films that get me all goosebumps and giggly like the upcoming The September Issue has. You won’t see me camped out at the Ziegfled waiting to buy Harry Potter nonsense. Truth be told, I have not seen any of those films. Can’t figure out why, just ‘cuz. Nor was I highly anticipating Twilight or Transformers: Revenge of the Whatever, and you can relax about Ironman. Yeah, I’ll see it, but can we discuss the Anna Wintour movie for a second? Obsessed. I’ve seen the trailer umpteen times. Haven’t you? Actually, a friend of mine who has been… Read More »

Manzies and pansies and bears…oh my! New York Fashion Week will never be the same…for several reasons. First off, being a total optimist and in a response to the recent CFDA meeting, I am confident that there will be a shift in tone at the tents as well as at the off-site activities. No, we will never be free of annoying fashionistas, whose moment of fame starts and ends around the shows (listen up PR Girls), but I’m feeling that the intention of the industry is to act as if we are moving through this unusually hard time and that… Read More »

Hoola-fontz is a word that appeared on the Gurko vernacular years ago that describes going out partying, flirting heavily or as gays put it “kiki-ing”. And there’s plenty of all of the above going on in Fire Island Pines…to the nth power. Throngs and throngs of people are hoola-fontzing here. Hoola-fontzers you will never want to get into a conversation with, swarming like bees to honey, or in this case…the bar. Anyhoo, how fitting that while surrounded by the unending Marlene parade that the lead stories in the New York Post is about Madonna and the long lost love letters.… Read More »

Officially, I am taking this long weekend to sit quietly and contemplate my navel. Having been invited to the beach on Long Island, it seemed like a great idea. Several weeks ago I did a piece listing the 12 reasons why I was not gay anymore, homosexual yes, gay no. Surely there are more reasons that I chose to omit from that list, but now, sitting here at the Bay Cafe in Fire Island Pines, the list grows…by the minute. Let me start by saying that I have not been out here to the Pines in over 20 years. My… Read More »

You can do all the upscale advertising you want. So, whether you are Target, K-Mart or JCPenney, get over yourselves right now, because smoke and mirrors is not going to replace better merchandise. Ever. Sure, these limited edition designer duds gets tons of attention and brings in a sought-after audience, but once that limited edition sells out, what’s left in-store is the crap that makes up for most of the merchandise in these mass marketers. So, Jean Claude Penney is coming to New York City? Big whoop. Penney has been trying for years to up its ante through free association… Read More »

Anyone who knows me from childhood will tell you that I developed my own language, mostly words and expressions to describe things, people or activities that I found somewhat nonsensical. Now, I just say I Mean…Whaaaaat?!?! a lot, which captures the essence. One word is “okeedeer”. This is really just “OK, there”, but with a sardonic twist. Here’s a for instance. Say, The New York Times Style features a fashion spread of men’s clothing, shown on a heavily tattooed model, who looks like a wanna-be beatnik. We know he is a wanna-be, because he is in fact a model, rather… Read More »

Nothing brings me more joy that the lovely notes and requests for answers that I receive directly into my mailbox. I’ve been the go-to person for “matters of the heart” and “what to” or “what not to wear” my whole life and fielding your requests is in line with what I do best. Please keep those cards and letters coming. Hi Abe, How come you didn’t do an I Mean…What?!? on Barack Obama’s “mom jeans”? Surely I though you would have jumped all over that. Maureen Dear Maureen, I thought about that plenty. But the reason I passed on it… Read More »

Pack your bags kids. It is time to move off this continent and go to a place, any place in this world, where you will be safe from the prying, vomitous eyes of the media that gives us the endless stories about wanna-bes, never was-es, and nobodies galore. Today I have read a story that has made me so nauseous, that I am beside myself. Let me just list the cast of characters in this item and surely you will agree and run to start packing. Jon Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Jill Zarin. Should I stop now? And wait, this trifecta… Read More »