“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

There’s so much hub-bub about torture in the news these days. I’ve looked at the evidence, listened to the pundits and dickheads (Dick Cheney, who else?) and have decided that water boarding and all the other methods wouldn’t compare to what I have concocted as a far more effective and painless way to scare the bejesus out of any terrorist and get them talking.… Read More »

Of the many newly established “holidays”, Earth Day is the little holiday that could. Yes, it has accomplished tons of global awareness since 1970, when it started, as a way to instill fear that the end of the world is nigh. Since then, the Earth Global Network successfully promotes the consciousness that we must all do our part to save the world. And hopefully meet Leonardo DiCaprio in the process. However, the term “Green” has become so overused, it’s almost passe. Even Vanity Fair has stopped doing their “green issue”, currently featuring Giselle Bunchen on the cover, Miss Green herself…as… Read More »

YOU DECIDE, WHAT’S THE MOST APROPOS IMAGE? I really try not to include Republicans in my daily entries on I Mean…What?!? But they sure make it hard to avoid with their endless reactionary grandstanding and annoying comments. Hopefully, they will continue to dwindle, then poof…disappear. I speak today of The Dick Cheney and the backlash against the handshake between Barak Obama and Hugo Chavez. Seems that The Dick, a.k.a. Darth Vader or rather, The Emperor (as per George Lucas), is all up in a kerfuffle about the handshake from last weekend. “The president needs to distinguish between good [guys] and… Read More »

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I watched part of the Miss USA “Pageant” last night and can’t believe what a bubble those women live in.  Last night’s show was like watching RuPaul’ Drag Race on MTV earlier this year. You have a group of overly made up (lip-liner for days), big-haired, plastic-looking people vying for the top spot, waltzing around on stage in bad Debbie Reynolds Vegas drag, glittered up the ass, and answering silly questions. So, what’s the difference? At least with Drag Race, there were more laughs. When people take themselves too seriously, it’s hard to really… Read More »

Two of my favorite celebrities need to take a massive chill pill and stay out of the limelight for…like…several years. Madonna and Bono, I have had just about enough of each of you. Unless you are singing a song from your repertoire, I don’t need to hear another bleeding-heart word, new song, concert tour updates…nothing. I applaud your efforts with the utmost respect and get how important AIDS drugs and schools in Malawi are. You guys are amazing. But frankly, much has been accomplished in this world by people who were not constantly heat-seeking the glare and scrutiny of the… Read More »

What this week taught me was just how REALLY, profoundly powerful the internet and social networks are, with a special shout out to Twitter. That Susan Boyle received 30 million hits in one week is astonishing. And what it showed us ALL is that you don’t have to be a titty-and-belly-button bearing (Britney, Miley, Goo Goo Ga Ga) diva to get into the hearts and minds of the music loving public.The moment I saw Simon Cowell’s eyebrows raise after Susan’s 3rd note, I knew what he was thinking, “Il Divo who? Adam Lambert what? Gimme this house-frau any day of… Read More »

Here’s what I love about Mel Gibson, and any other self-righteous celebrity ass like Anita Bryant, Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, or many Republicans currently in office like Sarah Palin: They know that “the Lord giveth and then taketh away”. SPECIAL NOTE: Did you know that quote comes from what is called the Ejaculatory Prayer? Get where I’m going here? When celebrities lives get all convoluted because of their desperate need to be seen and heard, coupled with their pathetic attempt to spread Godliness like venereal disease, is when they get a good dose of God for themselves. And not in… Read More »

How can we put Republicans out of their misery? That hair-brained Tea Party scheme went over like a lead balloon. You can stand in the rain from here to Timbuktu, tea bags in hand…I mean…what?!? Instead of using  the Boston Tea Party as your model, the better idea was to pull a Lady Godiva, ride through town NUDE on a white horse, in an effort to gain a remission of the oppressive taxation of the time. Your tea party idea was a sad and pathetic attempt to make a point. Couple hundred people here, couple of hundred people there, does… Read More »

Ok. Who’s gonna bitch slap those Somali pirates? I mean…who do they think they are playing with? And if it is not going to be Barak Obama, not that he doesn’t have good reason, since all our troops are in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Border of Mexico  and looming large over North Korea, then who? ‘Cause, girl? They are really pissing me off. Case in point: In the 1970’s, I was bussed to a really, really dangerous high school, and these Somali pirates remind me of the kids who bullied me and my friends. When I had finally had enough, I… Read More »

On Easter Sunday, I was invited to my friend Jules’ house for brunch at her loft filled with assorted fashionistas. The conversation landed on the documentary Valentino-The Last Emperor. A group of us in our champagne-bubbly-state planned to meet the following evening to see the film.… Read More »