Madonna and Bono…Stop, Now.

Apr 19, 2009People We Lerve
Madge get off your high horse, literally.

Madge get off your high horse, literally.

Two of my favorite celebrities need to take a massive chill pill and stay out of the limelight for…like…several years.

Bono, get off your high horse, figuratively.

Bono, get off your high horse, figuratively.

Madonna and Bono, I have had just about enough of each of you. Unless you are singing a song from your repertoire, I don’t need to hear another bleeding-heart word, new song, concert tour updates…nothing. I applaud your efforts with the utmost respect and get how important AIDS drugs and schools in Malawi are. You guys are amazing. But frankly, much has been accomplished in this world by people who were not constantly heat-seeking the glare and scrutiny of the media. Actually, many people accomplish masterful tasks and do so in humble solitude. Perhaps a foreign notion to you both.

Madonna riding another kind of horse.

Madonna riding another kind of horse.

Madonna fell off a horse yesterday. Yes, its takes determination to get right back on it, (since she fell once before and really hurt herself) but Madge, you have little kids. Riding horses is like skiing. And we see what recently happened to the lovely Natasha Richardson. Really, don’t you want to actually live in that $40 million dollar home you just bought and watch your adorable kids grow up to fulfill their potential? Granted they will never measure up to your level of accomplishment, so they will resent you forever, but they will need you to there to dry away their tears and pay for shit.

The boobie prize...meeting W.

The boobie prize...meeting W.

And Bono, must you bla bla bla, on and on, about Christianity, and your soul and my soul and our soul or whatever the fuck that article in today’s New York Times was about? You are amazing, OK, we get it. You’ve gone where few celebrities have gone, to break bread with George Bush, fotz, you’re received tons of medals, now out to pasture with you. It’s time you both got ambassadors to continue your work and stop hogging the spotlight.

We will buy whatever they sell.

We will buy whatever they sell.

If you really want to enroll the next generation to become more altruistic and participate if not carry on your great works, here’s who you need to enroll as your New Ambassadors: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart from Twilight. PERIOD.

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