“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

If I read one more article about the Big  Stupid Three, (stupid = U.S. automakers),  I am going to barf. This is not the first time these companies have been squeezed to the point of doom. Hello, the 80’s. I’ve been asking everyone if they remember the K Car, developed during the oil crisis, which crippled the industry. No one seems to have any recollection. Having been accused on many occasions of dreaming things up, I found in Wikipedia (my newest obsession) that the K Car series, which rolled out in 1981, was attributed to saving Chrysler from bankruptcy. Over 3 million K Cars sold in the 80’s. Now, that we are back to square one, why not do what Hitler did and come up with a hip, new version of a Volkswagen. Or follow in the footsteps of Lee Iacocca, and create a groovy answer to the K Car or Minivan, both of which changed the auto industry. No, let’s do another Navigator, or a Range Rover, yikes. Oh, by the way, throwing around the term “Hyrbid” is not the only scam that will save you.

Might  I suggest The I MEAN…WHAT Series of vehicles? A series of cars that reflects your lifestlye, so that on the road, you can spot a certain type of person by the car they drive, which tells alot about the driver. For instance:

• The Single Gay Car (easy lay)
• The Newly Married Gay Car (boring, keep your eyes on the road)
• The Jewish American Princess Car (oh, right, we have plenty of those already, moving on)
• Divorced Dad Car (horny and willing to spend money)
• Cougar Woman Car (total easy lay)
• Newly Divorced Mother Car (easy lay between hyper-kid’s activities only)
• Time Clock Is Ticking Single Girl Car (way too easy lay, no condoms allowed)
• I Voted For Obama Car (they’ll sell a shit-loads of those)

Or, for the fashion victims (you know who you are) the H & M Cars, which would be an extension of their already mega-successful limited-edition, designer duds program.

• The bizzy print Matthew Williamson Car
• The Leopard Cavalli Hot Rod Number
• The Madonna Car (runs on wind, no radio but pre-loaded will only her music)
• The Stella McCartney (all natural fiber interior, complete with “I Hate Heather” bumper sticker)
• The Viktor and Rolf (topped with an asymmetrical quirky car cover so its easy to find in a mall parking lot)
• The Comme des Garcons (a black and white polka dot car with hot pink and black stripe interior)

Which car would you want to buy?