“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

There are more eCommerce websites (e-Tail is the new term) than one can conceivably paw through in a lifetime. What started out as a cute idea for couch potatoes has mushroomed into the Cyber Monday leaving Black Friday in the dust. All this means is that your internet experience will become more and more about advertising and marketing than discovering puppies that can swim or cats that can dance or stars with out make-up. Literally every single one of your favorite websites are concocting scams on how to get you to navigate to a BUY THIS page. Hey, I am too, only I MEAN WHAT?!!? plans to have that component as a fundraising arm. So there.

Last night someone sent me this e-tail website promotion called YOU CELEB, (Me Tarzan, You Celeb?) where you can buy the fashion seen on celebs. Nails on a chalkboard much?!? The press release was so cringe worthy that I had to share some highlights coupled with my comments in CAPS):

•  YouCeleb, the leading online destination for celebrity fashion, (WHAT IS CELEBRITY FASHION?) today announced the launch of its new online retail store offering fashion addicts the ultimate online luxury boutique shopping experience. (HOW MANY OXYMORONS CAN YOU THROW INTO ONE SENTENCE?)
• The website gives fashionistas access to the latest and most sought-after and hard-to-find celebrity-worn fashion. (DOES THIS MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PEEPED IN THE DRESS AND NOW YOU CAN BUY IT… FOR A SONG? NOT CLEAR.)
• The exclusivity of YouCeleb’s specialized collection offers customers a one-of-a-kind shopping experience. (IF IT IS IN A PRESS RELEASE DOESN’T THAT NEGATE THE “EXCLUSIVITY” FACTOR?)
• The “as seen on” feature allows customers to view which celebrities have worn each brand, making it even easier to achieve the look of your favorite celebrities such as Tamera Mawry, Janina Gavakar & Ramona Singer. (YIKES, YOU CALL THEM CELEBRITIES? TAKE ME TO A BRICK & MORTAR STORE IMMEDIATELY.)

You see what I mean? Now all these kinds of marketers and their cousin are going to try to lure you in to some horrendous e-tail nonsense and the beauty of the internet will gradually become watered down kinda like watching network television where there are more commercials than show. On the other end of the cringe spectrum is the uber-ladies who lunch marketing crowd. Women’s Wear Daily reports that Moda Operandi will relaunch their eTail site with a new look with the addition of immediate shopping options since their concept of “pay now and wear much later” perhaps was not creating enough ground swell for immediate gratification hounds.

Everyone is getting in the game, from magazines like Harper’s Bazaar to traditional fashion blogs such as Refinery 29. Seriously how many $3,250 dresses can you sell online? I guess more will be revealed.