“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

You know you have hit the big top when a fragrance bears your name, or your pet’s name, or your favorite childhood memory’s name of some such nonsense. You all know my aversion to celebrity fashion designers. Now I am officially adding celebrity schtoonk-meisters to the list of things that make me say fotz or “ewww”. Let me start by mentioning my favorite exception to this parade, none other than Dame Elizabeth Taylor. When Elizabeth created White Diamonds, she was pretty much out of the movie business, still  gorgeous and well…friggen Liz Taylor. Don’t even try to put Sarah Jessica Parker or 50 Cent in her league, ’cause I will come there, find you and pussy whip you with a feather. The thing is, I know several amazing “noses”, as they are called. Noses are the people who have honed the craft of designing fragrances. It is an art form. So when a celebrity comes barging into this category, they cheapen the act. Perhaps getting your stink on is a sure sign that your movie days are winding down.

Surely that might be the case with our newest celebrity stinker to enter the fray with LOLAVIE by Jennifer Aniston, which she describes as “a non-perfume perfume.” Exactly what is a non-perfume perfume? Air? Water? A waste of space? Nonsense? I vote for the two latter descriptions. Let’s start with the name…LOLAVIE. Ms. Aniston refused to say what it means besides, “It’s a long story and honestly it’s too personal to tell”. Jennifer added, “But it has special significance.” Us Weekly suggests Lolavie means “laughing at life”, which can also be interpreted as “laughing all the way to the bank”. Since Jennifer is a comedian, maybe it’s an inside joke. But the joke is on whoever buys into this campaign, or any other celebrity fragrance for that matter. I get wanting to look like your favorite star, but the whole smell like thing is just odd. But let me not only ostracize Jennifer Aniston here.

While researching this bit, I was shocked and amazed as to all the celebrities whose egos have gotten in the way of their better judgment and jumped into the celebrity fragrance pool. The list is way too long to include here, but feel free to click on this link. For now I am just going to highlight the ones that boggled my mind:

Leona Lewis: For that one hit wonder smell? Help me here.

50 Cent: Say what you want, but I’d prefer to smell like a lot more money than that.

Kiss: Smell like clown white, mascara and sweat? Feh.

Raven Symone: That’s So Smelly.

Danielle Steel: For that new book smell? For that fictitious character scent? Huh?

Joan Rivers: A new fragrance that you inject, lasts for several months.

Sveltlana Stalin: The Fresh Scent of Freedom.

Carmen Electra: Well, I won’t even go there…but you know where I was headed.

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