“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Are you people nuts? Sarah Palin resigned. That is the good news. What’s with the judgments and criticisms? It’s further proof that we, as a nation, consistently look a gift horse in the mouth, or, bite the hand that feeds us, whichever of those expressions apply. She’s a nut bag, she resigned, now can we please get back to which suit Michael Jackson will wear to his grave? The thing that no one really wants to say here is that Sarah Palin is beyond brilliant. Beautiful and smart. Oh, yes smart…as a whip. Not in a bookish way. But in the way I would be if I were a pretty woman, and getting what I want. You know, the inappropriate-reverse-sexist kind of smart. The bat-your-eyelashes-and-wink-to-get-from-point-A-to-point-B kind of smart. The act-helpless-and-sheepish kind of smart. In the same way that the character Ula, the “smart as a whip” secretary was in the film The Producers.

You can ask my sister Vivian, as we were watching the freakishly neurotic and overly audible Sarah Palin resignation speech on CNN, though we were shocked that they broke away from the Michael Jackson Minutia Report, that I immediately turned to her and quoted Deep Throat and said, “Follow the money”. Sarah Palin, the smart but insane sexist windbag, will write her book, which will read like a diary from an eight grader, do a massive book tour throughout the Bible belt, shore up her Christian cuckoos, insight a few dozen anti-black zealots along the way then head over to Fox Television on Avenue of the Americas in NYC, sign a 25 million dollar television talk show with a major online presence and thumb her nose at all these political pundits, who don’t know shit. And if in 2016 she decides the presidency is something she’s interested in, she will cross that bridge then. She’s young, she is not thinking about 2012. She will spend the next several years stuffing her pockets with cash as any true blooded American would.