I’m Bringing SexyBack

Is it just me or is there like some weird energy going around? Maybe it’s the economy, or the loss of key Democratic states so soon after President “Change” Obama took office, proving that Americans don’t really want change. Or perhaps it is the pre-holiday blues. Hell, now that retailers are bringing Christmas in so early, why not move up those holiday doldrums, too. Anyway you slice it, this mid-season funk does not make anyone feel sexy. Introspective, yes. Sexy, no. Take the following IMW WTF Is Wrong With Me Test, (move over Rorschach or Minnesota Tests) to see if you need a Bring SexyBack Retail Therapy Session.  Can you check off any of the following items?

___I have not been feeling sexy lately.
___My nose has been sooo in the grindstone, and now I want to put it elsewhere.
___I haven’t had sex in more days than I have fingers.
___I haven’t had sex in more days than I have fingers and toes.
___I haven’t had sex in more days than I care to count.
___I haven’t had sex in so many days I have lost count.
___I want to Bring Sexy Back. Tell me what to do and where to go.

The Bring Sexy Back Therapy Session is pretty simple. It’s all about buying a few key items that upgrade your sexy quotient. Even if you only check one item from the above list, clearly you need to BringSexy Back. Your mental state is far more important than any savings account. And the little boost it will generate for the economy is what retailers need. So, give yourself permission (and a budget) and go for a Bring SexyBack Therapy Session. That is what this doctor is ordering, so grab that apple and let’s go shopping. There are a few key clothing items that make us feel sexy. Here are the do’s and don’ts:

1. Jeans. A new pair of jeans is a great way to spend a lot of time in the mirror (backwards) admiring your butt. If your butt needs a lift, this will propel you into the gym, which kicks in endorphins, which make you hot and sexy. If you have a good butt, well then..by all means stare at it. Then buy the pair that makes your “cakes looked perched”.

G-STAR jeans give great butt nd have other great detailing.

G-STAR jeans give you a great butt and have other great details.

Do not come home wiht a denim bustier. This will only make you feel sexy to a limited group of people, namely 2 fashion editors, one from Tokyo and one from House of LaBeija (pronounced la-BAY-zha).

Do not come home with a denim bustier. This will only make you feel sexy to a limited group of people, namely 2 fashion editors, one from Tokyo and one from House of LaBeija (pronounced la-BAY-zha).

And while I'm at it, avoid anythign Ed Hardy. UNless of course you aspire to be Jon Gosselin. Sad.

And while I'm at it, avoid anything Ed Hardy. Unless of course you aspire to be Jon Gosselin. Fotz.

Trend, shmend. Skinny jeans are so not it...especially with shoes. Yikes.

Trend, shmend. Skinny jeans are so not it...especially with shoes. Yikes.

Speaking of schmends, this whole drop crotch nonsense must end. We want to feel sexy. Hence we don't want to drop the crotch. We want the crotch to serve as a bit of a marketing tool. Who are these people?

Speaking of schmends, this whole drop crotch nonsense must end. We want to feel sexy, not neutered. Hence we don't want to drop the crotch. We want the crotch to serve as a bit of a marketing tool. Who are these people?

2. Black Leather Jacket. We all understand budget issues, trust me, so weather you shop vintage for the jacket, or Army-Navy store for a Schott Scuba jacket, there is something for you. If you have greater resources, by all means shop designer.

You cannot not go wrong with this jacket style. Timeless, sexy, rugged.

You cannot not go wrong with this jacket style. Timeless, sexy, rugged.

Do not even try on this brown, quilted, car-coat nonsense.

Do not even try on this brown, quilted, car-coat nonsense.

3. Under Things. A fresh batch of sexy underwear. Especially if you go home and wear then around the house with nothing else…in front of windows, blinds open.

I only own black briefs. And I look just like him.

I only own black briefs. And I look just like him.

Quirky uunderwear, especially Ed HArdy is just not sexy. Oh, right, a skeleton mouth on my crotch. Hot.

Quirky uunderwear, especially Ed Hardy is just not sexy. Oh, right, a skeleton mouth on my crotch. Hot.

4. Cardigan Sweater. This may not be the sexiest item, but a luxe cardigan is such a great must-have layer these days that if done right, can be very sexy.

A fiited Gucci number works wonders for this guy.

A fitted Gucci number works wonders for this guy.

And this Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show redo is what must be avoided at all costs. We must end this whole 80's thing, NOW!

And this Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show redo is what must be avoided at all costs. We must end this whole 80's thing, NOW!

5. Accessories. For men, cool wrist thingies (is there a butcher name for bracelets?) or a chunky, new watch perhaps? Love sexy forearms.

What's there to say.

What's there to say?

What's there to say?

What's there to say?

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One Response to “I’m Bringing SexyBack”

  1. love it willl follow it alll the time

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