Paul Ryan: Ol’ Blue Eyes

Sep 30, 2012Gross Baboons

America got lost in Paul Ryan’s blue eyes. Really lost.

“If looks could kill.” Now there’s an expression for ya. (To be said like Sarah Palin.) And sometimes looks do kill, case in point Sarah Palin. Her beauty pageant looks didn’t do her any favors, politically speaking. Now in the case of Paul Ryan, his looks may have also killed off any chance of becoming Vice President of the United States. Not that Mitt hasn’t ruined his own chances by virtue of opening his mouth, time and time again.

“Studies show that attractive people get 36% more likely to get call backs for job offers and that good-looking political candidates are considered more memorable and trustworthy.” This theory could not have been proven more wrong this season. Take Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan… please. They do make an attractive ticket, in theory, based on the aforementioned study by Daniel Hamermesh, economics professor at the University of Texas, Austin, and author of the book Beauty Pays. But when Mitt announced the “bold” choice of Ryan for the ticket, suddenly people were mesmerized by the new Ol’ Blue Eyes and not really thinking about their future… one without Medicare or Medicaid.

Nino Saviano, a Republican strategist, says it takes less than the blink of an eye for people to decide how they feel about a candidate. “In a growing body of literature and political psychology, they have determined that it only takes 100 milliseconds for voters to make up their mind about a candidate just by looking at his or her face,” he says. So my question is, “Who the hell are these undecided voters?” And can we stop giving them so much airtime. They probably don’t exist and politics is all about selling advertising. And since the theory behind advertising is that “sex sells”, then Paul Ryan is to politics what Brooke Shields was to Calvin Klein.

The fact remains that Brooke Shields helped Calvin Klein sell millions of pairs of jeans whereas Paul Ryan’s blue eyes has helped Barack Obama prove to the critical voting block–aging seniors who come out in droves to vote–that  Ol’ Blue Eyes are not to be trusted and that the Democrats have–and always will–their backs. Their aching ones. As the song goes, “It only take a minute girl, to fall in love, to fall in love”. And in the case of Paul Ryan, it only took a millisecond girl. Let’s face it, the first hot glance and initial flirt with this candidate might have felt good, but it was Father Time that kicked in to help people realize that not having decent health care is going to feel a lot worse. PS… Paul Ryan will land on the list for 2012 Gross Baboon of the Year nominees.

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