“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Now that Alan Greenspan has left the main stage, after fucking up our economy, word is from his new book, “The Age Of Turbulence” (or How I Fucked Up the World Economy) that we can gauge the state of the economy by looking at the sales of “male underpants”. I mean…what?!? Greenspan was known for his “quirky, proletariat metrics to judge the temperature of the economy”, but the male underpants thing sounds a bit kinky…no? Do you think he studied all the men’s underwear ads in an effort to garner inspiration for his economic philosophies? You know, just lay out all the adverts featuring hot, sexy, semi-nude men in skin-tight briefs; gorgeous models with perfectly fluffed balls to tease the consumer with that “come hither” look. Heck, it would inspire me, at least to hire a fluffer.

The rationale behind the whole underwear thing doesn’t hold water. First of all, most businesses I know suffered huge hits since October ’08, like 15-40% reductions in income. In reviewing the sales and projections for men’s undies, surely the situation is not that dire. A recent Mintel report shows 2.3% projected decrease in overall sales for 2009. So, why is this the lead story in The Huffington Post? Why else? It’s what the press is doing now, all doom and gloom reports. Might I make a suggesiton here? Why can’t each media outlet add a weekly column that identifies a company or individual that is making the best of a bad situation and turning their company around inspite of all the negativity that abounds? You know, like an inspiration story. Yoo hoo…media moguls…get with it.