“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Handsome Anderson Cooper no longer belongs on CNN, the Certainly Not News, or better yet, Crap Not News network. It has become a poor excuse for what a real news station should be. This surely is not what Ted Turner had in mind. I mean…he must be devastatingly livid. Taking a cue from The View, CNN evening news during the campaign was reduced—or they probably thought expanded—to a format featuring a panel of bloviators pontificating on their not-newsworthy opinions of what is not even really newsworthy anymore because by the time the evening news hour rolls around, we have consumed the news of the day through Facebook, Twitter and any minute now Snapchat. Come to find out many of the bulletins on social media are actually not even real news, rather, opinions from fringe lunatics that use social media to bolster their own self worth.
(Present company NOT included.)

Jeff Zucker who is the grand dame of CNN was ousted from NBC, the peacock network, prior to coming on board the sinking news ship—guns blazing—to turn the fledgling money pit into a viable network again. His main accomplishment at NBC was The Today Show, perhaps the most cringeworthy, vapid program on television. His first contributions to the once groundbreaking news network was running re-runs of old, horrible TV crime specials like Who Killed The Black Dahlia and To Catch A Predator. In terms of original programming, Zucker served up a foodie show without any cooking tips or recipes rather a showman frolicking around the world eating exotic dishes off rice leaves in outer bum-fuck. Somehow Zucker even landed President Obama when he was traveling abroad to be a guest of this non-traditional foodie show to share a meal in some shit box somewhere. Whatever. I can imagine Martha Stewart saying, “Fotz!” to whole idea and fabulous as she is, when ahead and developed a foodie show with Snoop Dogg, which is a far more entertaining premise. And informative.

Now that election is over are we doomed to listen to these bloviators—I mean newscasters— sporting incredulous faces as they editorialize the heinous acts that the heinous President Elect is heinously implementing? You can keep tuning in to these garden-variety blathereres, I most certainly will not. Frankly, Anderson Cooper should have jumped ship after Jeff Zucker hired Corey Lewandowski in a tragically-desperate, conflict-of-interest act of impropriety while he remained on Trump’s payroll. Poor, handsome Anderson Cooper had to sit next to that Nazi-lite creature and play nice in the sandbox. Talk about strange bedfellows. Kelly Ripa from Live With Kelly and Michael (nee Live With Regis and Kelly) was desperately wooing Anderson to join the vacant spot left behind when Michael jumped ship. He should have ran to take that hot seat. As far as I’m concerned that frothy Morning Chat segment on Live is more riveting than what the CNN 360 Panel of Deplorables that Anderson was forced to yack with night after night has to say.
Nope. I’m out. Sayonara CNN!