“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Should Weiner Attend Horndogs Anonymous?!?

Jun 18, 2011Breaking Newzzz

There is a Bla Bla Anonymous meeting for everyone. What's ailing you?

Now that Anthony Weiner has resigned and will soon vanish from the headlines, as the paparazzi and all the haters melt into the sunset leaving him and Huma alone to redefine their relationship, should Weiner still attend Horndogs Anonymous? Let’s face it, there is a 12 Step Program for every possible ailment, from Narcotics, Marijuana, Food, Sexual Compulsives, you name it. See the A-List below from Wikipedia.

For some reason, however, Horndogs Anonymous was not included onto their list, probably because there are so few members. I started HA around the time of the Tiger Woods Skank-a-thon, making Tiger the charter member of the group. Jesse James soon joined, followed by John Edwards, with the most recent member being Arnold Schwarzenegger. These guys will welcome Anthony with open arms should he decide to attend meetings, where he will bathed in the warmth of the brotherhood and together they will prey for the knowledge to not be such Gross Baboons.

The Twelve Steps of Horndogs Anonymous

We admitted we were powerless over poontang—or the thought of it—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that our careers, which is a Power greater than ourselves, could restore us to sanity. Hence not wanting to resign.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our publicists or constituents, because God was nowhere to be found here.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of the hookers and teachers that made us do the nasty or have nasty thoughts.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, to our publicists, agents, managers and constituents the exact nature of our wrongs. While sobbing uncontrollably.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and we needed to show our face with out covering it while seeking a new career path.
Humbly asked Him to remove our name from page Six, Associated Press, Google, Bing, and any search engine really.
Made a list of all persons we had “harmed”, and became willing to pay them off in order to shut their pie holes….damn that Gloria Allred. She somehow managed to peep her head in the Weiner scandal, too.
Made direct amends to our wives, their mothers, our mothers, everyone’s mothers wherever possible, except when to do so would come off ingenuous, which was always.
Continued to take personal inventory of our possessions while our wives’ mothers (or Hillary Clinton) began packing up their stuff in order to save face.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our publicists, managers, agents and constituents, because these people would always tell us what we want to hear, no matter what.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to see if there was anyway to salvage our primary relationship before their lawyers convinced them to take us for all we are worth, which in theory is nothing, but in reality could be up as high as 350 million dollars or a lot of good intention for working class people. We would definitely try to practice these principles in all our upcoming affairs.