“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

We knew that Rachel Uchitel would not fade into the woodwork forever after taking the alleged millions of dollars from Tiger Woods in exchange for shutting her uber-collagen enhanced lips about their illicit sexual affair. The good news is, who needed her to tell us anything, my sources told me plenty. In particular, Tiger would demand sex AT LEAST three or four times a day, that she would have to drop what she was doing and run to his side…no questions asked. Clearly, the slogan “Tiger in his tank” has new meaning. Woodsy also preferred a different orifice each time,… Read More »

A while back I wrote a piece for The Huffington Post called Mistresses Anonymous. The inspiration for the article was in response to an item in Page Six about Jamie Jungers, the first in a series of hookers from Tiger Woods fame. Anyhoo, the gist was that Jamie was trying to hook up (for lack of a better term) with Sarah Symonds, the ex-hussy who Gordon Ramsey dilly-dallied (or is it diddle-daddled) with for seven years. Sarah had started a 12 Step Program called Mistresses Anonymous in an effort to help those who are powerless over rich, older men. Gotta… Read More »

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump‘s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross Baboon of the Year look that all of Tiger Woods‘ skanks share. Now, I am all for racy, but didn’t Carrie Prejean…nutbag hypocrite extraordinaire…get chastised for being a skank? Will this new pageant action shift the talent portion of the evening? Will we see Fellatio?… Read More »

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans.… Read More »

What is the deal with Vanity Fair‘s obsession with Tiger Woods and his merry band of hookers? The new issue, on stands today, continues its coverage of the Gross Baboons that brought down America’s most boring sports superstar. The Temptation of Tiger Woods, Part Two digs deeper into this less-than-riveting story, which is sooo yesterday’s breakfast. Surely I am not alone when scratching my head wondering why Vanity Fair, my favorite (or used to be favorite) magazine would spend their resources and time on something that could have lived on thier blog and save the printed pages for more compelling… Read More »

Here’s a love triangle that’s enough to make anyone brech, a.k.a. vomit in Yiddish. The news that Larry King was having an affair with his wife’s younger sister, Shannon Engemann, is not only too much information (TMI), but it is the kind of  information that boggles the mind. Once I read the allegation from Shawn Southwick (King’s wife of 13 years) my imagination ran wild as to how that dalliance came to fruition in the first place. If all this is true, here’s what we need to know: Did Shannon come on to him? Brech. Did Larry come onto Shannon?… Read More »

Do you care what this man says? Jim Carrey Tweeted his support of Tiger Woods yesterday. That’s more than interesting. – NY POST Are Lorenzo Martone and Marc Jacobs still “the happy couple”? I’ve been to as many gay divorces as I have gay marriages. -NY DAILY NEWS In case you missed it, Tina Fey killed it doing Sarah Palin Network on Saturday Night Live. -HUFFINGTON POST I love Maureen Dowd. Her stance on the Church and Pop drama is beyond noble. you go, girl. -NY TIMES This is how Tiger felt after every conquest. He is and will always… Read More »

That this skank Joslyn James was boo-hooing on Madam Gloria Allred’s shoulder one day before Tiger Woods returned to the green and then today is resuming her hooker/porn actress career is beyond. -NY POST The judges on Dancing with the Stars wanna boot Kate Gosselin off because they saw this photo. -LIFELINE LIVE I can’t believe that Oprah is giving Rielle Hunter the stage. UGH! -Huffington Post Whitney Houston has to cancel the first date of her European tour. Oy?!? -BBC NEWS Pharoh showed his collection at Pakistan Fashion Week. -Huffington Post Are you on Twitter? Click here to follow… Read More »