“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

What this week taught me was just how REALLY, profoundly powerful the internet and social networks are, with a special shout out to Twitter. That Susan Boyle received 30 million hits in one week is astonishing. And what it showed us ALL is that you don’t have to be a titty-and-belly-button bearing (Britney, Miley, Goo Goo Ga Ga) diva to get into the hearts and minds of the music loving public.The moment I saw Simon Cowell’s eyebrows raise after Susan’s 3rd note, I knew what he was thinking, “Il Divo who? Adam Lambert what? Gimme this house-frau any day of the week”.  Next up: Susan Boyle World Tour or Susan with an S, or The Old Girlie Show. (Eer-way in-nay the oney-may.)

Here’s an idea. What say we market Susan Boyle as the “Voice of Peace” and book her in all the countries that we are currently at war with. You know, stick her in a Burka (plenty, I mean…what?!?), and let that sweet, angelic voice break the hearts and minds of those creepy Muslim hoodlums in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Somalia, and Pakistan. I know, music is not allowed in some of those countries (yikes), but, quite honestly, the music they listen to can be a bit Chinese water torture-y after a while, if you ask me. These mongers need to hear “I Dreamed A Dream” sung my a Burka-clad Boyle. And if music tames the wild beast, then maybe I am onto something. Heck, isn’t anything worth a try? War sucks. Obama…listen up!

On another note: Congratulations Ashton Kutcher, for being so incredibly gorgeous and breaking the million people mark following you on Twitter. Granted, you might only be worthy of Susan Boyle’s opening act, but you definitely have your own world tour thing happening. Glad you put Old Man Larry King in his place. And while you’re at it, can you please tell Larry to stop chewing on his dentures. Eckle (gross in Yiddish).

Oh, and while I’m at it, Facebook needs to take a chill pill and go back to the old format. I don’t know a soul who likes the new one. In fact, several of my friends have dropped off and are now Twittering or Tweeting, or whatever, instead.