“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Harvey Fierstein on Grindr? Yet another reason to not sign up for these gay easy hook up things. – PEREZ HILTON The Gross Baboons are getting a reality show. Michelle Bombshell McGee and Jamie Jungers are on tap to sleep their way to the middle. – TMZ Here we have a case where Steven Seagal is a cross between Gross Baboon and a Horndogs Anonymous member. – E ONLINE… Read More »

Here’s a love triangle that’s enough to make anyone brech, a.k.a. vomit in Yiddish. The news that Larry King was having an affair with his wife’s younger sister, Shannon Engemann, is not only too much information (TMI), but it is the kind of  information that boggles the mind. Once I read the allegation from Shawn Southwick (King’s wife of 13 years) my imagination ran wild as to how that dalliance came to fruition in the first place. If all this is true, here’s what we need to know: Did Shannon come on to him? Brech. Did Larry come onto Shannon?… Read More »

I have not talked about politics for quite a while. And there have been moments of absolute horror while reading the Huffington Post about the goings on in Washington, DC. Much of what was happening within our democracy over the past year had me dumbfounded. I began to loose faith…I closed my eyes…I turned the other cheek. When I became horrified…correction, mortified at some of the libelous and slanderous things that the nay-sayers…correction, Tea Partyers were saying, did I voice my concern? No. I am guilty as charged for frolicking through the fabulostiy of fashion and calibrating the crunk of… Read More »

So, now I have heard everything…but this ditty takes the cake. My inside source in Albany said that New York Governor David Paterson is embroiled in a controversy that will make you chapp dein kop (hold your head in Yiddish). The New York Times is working on the story, which is said to break momentarily. Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the Elliot Spitzer tree and there is a rumor that the Governor used public funds to cop drugs (blow) and hookers (blow). Can you stand it? Blow squared? I would like to think this is not true…but since… Read More »

Nice doo, doll. Say what you want about Jake “Heartthrob” Gyllenhaal, but I think he is beyond vanilla. In this Prince of Persia promo shot, he is more Princess of Persia, with the pouty-lip, deer-caught-in-a-headlights look, which is reminiscent of Loredana Jolie. See what I mean?… Read More »

What do Jon Gosselin, Hailey Glassman, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have in common? The fact that they are common. Longtime nobody Hailey Glassman has figured her way back into the media glare and boy, must she be in pig heaven. Well, if the shoe fits. We now have a story that she ransacked Jon Gosselin‘s, (the other pig in this story) New York City apartment, leaving a threatening note at the end of a knife. Ooooh….chills. The antics that these two (remember, water seeks its own level) gross baboons have been up to since they first made the scene… Read More »

The Axe Lounge, The Guys and Dolls Lounge, T-Mobile Sidekick Lounge at Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge, Pussycat Dolls Lounge, Gifting Lounge…it’s all become so horeene (Abeism for horrendous, can also be spelled, in this case, whoreene). There was a time that a lounge meant to relax, sit a while, chill. Now it has taken on a whole new, more hysterical meaning. The demise of the real meaning of lounge culminated this summer, with the creation of the uber brech fest “The Axe Body Spray Lounge” (correct) in the Hamptons. This gross baboon parlor is where celebrities hob nob with nobodies in… Read More »

Hoola-fontz is a word that appeared on the Gurko vernacular years ago that describes going out partying, flirting heavily or as gays put it “kiki-ing”. And there’s plenty of all of the above going on in Fire Island Pines…to the nth power. Throngs and throngs of people are hoola-fontzing here. Hoola-fontzers you will never want to get into a conversation with, swarming like bees to honey, or in this case…the bar. Anyhoo, how fitting that while surrounded by the unending Marlene parade that the lead stories in the New York Post is about Madonna and the long lost love letters.… Read More »

Here’s what I love about Mel Gibson, and any other self-righteous celebrity ass like Anita Bryant, Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, or many Republicans currently in office like Sarah Palin: They know that “the Lord giveth and then taketh away”. SPECIAL NOTE: Did you know that quote comes from what is called the Ejaculatory Prayer? Get where I’m going here? When celebrities lives get all convoluted because of their desperate need to be seen and heard, coupled with their pathetic attempt to spread Godliness like venereal disease, is when they get a good dose of God for themselves. And not in… Read More »

My favorite Oxycontin addict, Rush Limbaugh, has promised to move out of New York City now that Governor Patterson has upped the tax code for the rich. Next stop Texas where he can pal around with Bushy. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. And that is front page news? Well, yes, good news anyway. And with the exodus of that gross baboon comes a ray of hope that true, cool people will prevail and we’ll take back New York from the riff-raff that began to inhabit once the Disney-fication took hold during the Giuliani years. Toodles galore…all of you.… Read More »