“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Hi there. Big holiday weekend. Am already away and wondered what to write about today, sitting idly by a pool. There’s not that much happening in the news, beyond the controversy between Mel Gibson and his Russian gold digger, Oksana Grigieva. Who knows, maybe she is a Russian spy, too. We all know what a sick f#&k Mel is, now we can officially add him to the list of nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year Award. This is shaping up to be quite a year. The first annual awards presentation with be held at the end of the year.… Read More »

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore just quit. Between the lost passport drama in France and the boozy anklet nonsense, she must have gone bonkers. She’s been covering for Lindsay on all fronts, as at the recent photo shoot with the Cougar Lesbian. Anyone looking for a high-stress, low paying gig in the entertainment industry? Have fun. – TMZ Would you want to live in this Gross Baboon’s uber-tacky guido farm after this new Jeresy house-frau  got her stank all over it? I have been asking to exorcise that woman out of my home state for a week now. – E ONLINE… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »

Box Office Mojo reports, “It was Princesses over Persia among new releases, but the Middle Eastern desert romps generated such little heat that a relatively low-grossing Shrek movie topped them in its second weekend.” Ouch. Look, both Princess of Persia (as I like to call it) and Sex and the City Par Deux seemed so uninteresting, that no kidding they didn’t live up to the expectations of the Hollywood suites.  My friend Annie likes to say, ”Who wants to see a bunch of middle aged woman acting like they are still in their thirties, drinking and talking about sex.” Though… Read More »

Awww, poor baby. Skank got your tongue? And other similarly shaped parts? Jesse James sits down for an interview and surely he must feel remorse that his whole butch straight act is no looked at as a stupid, low rent, low class, nobody that lucked out. We’ve watched you from The Celebrity Apprentice through the Michelle Bombshell McGee debacle and the bottom line is….like every one of these skanks, you will rise from the ashes because the fact remains…Illicit Sex: The Stepping Stone to a Media Career. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5dscSiJyh8… Read More »

In a stunning politically correct move, Miss Michigan – Rima Fakih was crowned Miss USA 2010. Granted, she is beautiful, and perhaps indeed the rightful winner, but not having watched the show, I can not say whether she won hands down or whether she was crowned as a ploy to improve Arab-America relations abroad. Let’s go with the idea that she won on all her merits….riveting as they must be. Congratulations. Now, let’s go with my conspiracy theory: using the Miss USA worldwide platform as a political move on behalf of Donald Trump and Barack Obama. The plan was to… Read More »

Perusing the images from the recent The 12th Annual Young Hollywood Awards felt more like an episode of  The I MEAN…WHAT?!? Nobody News. There was a time when Britney, Lindsay, and Paris made their way down the red carpet, cementing Young Hollywood as the new media focus. They were the new Naomi, Linda and Christie. Now those chicks are onto other things…what…I am not sure…but who or what was at this event in their stead was sad and not hot…and in some cases…not young. Seems like this Young Hollywood thing is over. Let’s start with Brittny Gastineau. First of all,… Read More »

Naomi is going to join Kabbalah…again…and again…and… – PAGE SIX Lisa Marie wants you to send sunflowers to Michael Jackons’s grave. Um…can you just arrange for a delivery every week and charge it to Graceland. – D LISTED Matt Lauer is a horn dog and must attend Horndogs Anonymous meetings. Stat. Sounds like he did it with the Double-mint Twins. – RADAR I love Cate Blanchett and so proud of her for wearing Alexander McQueen’s dress..that he had selected for her from beyond. – NY MAGAZINE Known Gross Baboon, Rachel Uchitel is up to her usual tricks..being a trick to… Read More »

Not too long ago, I reported on the new fragrance, Lolavie by Jennifer Aniston, The Sweet Smell of Celebrity. Though she surely is not the first, and clearly not the last movie star to multi-task while branding, this disturbing trend has taken another bow with a celebrity men’s fragrance, called The Secret by Antonio Banderas. Gee, I thought The Secret was a spiritual quest for garnering wealth. Perhaps it still is…but in case…just for Antonio…as opposed to the betterment of mankind. Seems like the new scoop is, in order to be famous, you have to be brand-able. Well, I said… Read More »