“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Sarah Palin‘s favorite Beatles song has to be Happiness Is A Warm Gun. This woman is so at home slaughtering animals, imagine how war mongery she would become if given the chance to be President of the United States. She would immediately be all guns blazing in Yemen. Yes, that place is a hot bed for terrorist, and who knows how to deal with those zealots. But surely, two zealots do not make a right. Or is it, two zelots from the right are all wrong? Sarah Palin is a Kim Jong-Il-type waiting to happen. An egomaniac coupled with Tea… Read More »

Of course Sarah Palin is obsessed with the notion of “death panels”. She coined the phrase, is single-handedly trying to keep the negative energy alive and in fact, is killing every animal in her path. So look in the mirror lady, because you are the death panel.… Read More »

Come 2012, if Sarah Palin has her druthers, the White House will once again be just that, white. But not just white, we’re talkin’ really, really white. Alaska snow white. Pre-Lyndon B. Johnson Civil Rights Movement white. Her first day in office she will make some cockadoodle proclamation, “We need a woman in the White House to clean up the mess of that last administration.” Can’t you just hear it now? The irony will be that a white woman is cleaning up after black people. I wonder if she will do windows. The new First Family will be very innovative.… Read More »

No, I will not be watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska, a.k.a The Real Housfrau of Wasilla tonight. Will you? Let’s face it, those who tune into watch that down-market, animal killer will surely be enthralled with her phony “Gotcha (wink) Crap” . In a decidedly calculated move to engage the lowest common denominator of television viewers, Sarah Palin is doing a reality show while her promiscuous daughter Bristol Palin continues (not sure how) to flash her tits on Dancing With The Stars. This is all part of the diabolical plot to have the clueless American public fall madly in love with… Read More »

Witches and warlocks have been the focus of this last election cycle. But it really all started with that Witchy Woman, Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol. Come on…don’t you think they have America under their spell? Let’s face it, Christine O’Donnell rounds out the Three Witches from Shakespeare’s Macbeth and you can just see them together in a room, complete with cauldron, plotting. “Double, double, toil and trouble.” Say what you want, but for Bristol Palin to still be on Dancing With The Stars, all clutsy and annoying, there has to be some truth here. When Sarah showed up… Read More »

Last night’s debate between Delaware Senate hopefuls Christine O’Donnell and Chris Coons was as good as television gets, politically speaking. Who would have thunk that a face-off for the Delaware Senate would be the most talked about debate since Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? Any way you slice it, this was riveting television and what made it entertaining was O’Donnell’s facial reactions anytime Coons opened his mouth. We are at a moment in history where inconsequential people are setting the tone for the future of our democracy. If you string together Christine O’Donnell’s television appearances from her days on Bill… Read More »

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio. So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

There’s something fishy going on here. My guess is that the unexpected news of the pending nuptials between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston is really just a ruse and not even true. The whole story is a publicity scam generated out of Sarah Palin‘s office. Well, seeing that her publicist is Bristol Palin, BSMP, LLC, the idea was to show the world just how forgiving and generous Sarah Palin is. And given the sensitive, personal nature of this matter, Sarah will come off as a magnanimous force of nature, hence a great candidate for the Presidency in 2012. Here’s how… Read More »

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »