“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The hysteria around the Netflix show “Tiger King” has been very eyeopening. What is it about this low-rent animal abuser has Jared Leto, Cardi B, and the many other celebrities peacocking their obsessions with his unforgivable shenanigans? … Read More »

What in tarnation is going on in New York City with all these bedbug outbreaks? It used to be that mice and cockroaches were the big evil that plagued our city, but bed bugs? Really? I am breching (vomit in Yiddish). Bedbugs have been discovered recently in theaters, clothing stores, office buildings, housing projects, posh apartments and hotels. Gross! The city fielded 11,000 complaints about bedbugs last year. The thing that is sooo gross about bedbugs is that they make crabs look like the bug of choice. A little pubic scrub and some laundry and off you go…being the town… Read More »

There is a new report that Tiger Woods fathered a child with a porn star names Devon James. Seriously who can even listen to this nonsense? Can we just put all these woman who have–and continue to–step forward claiming to wanking and spanking the wood of Mr. Woods? Even if it is true…which by the way, the mother of this new skank accuser went on record to say that there is no truth to the story…who cares? If her own mother thinks she is a pathological liar, why are we even having this conversation? The riveting news came from Ms.… Read More »

Angelina Jolie is rumored to play the Wicked Witch of the West?!? Say it ain’t so. Don’t get me wrong, I love Angelina Jolie. I love her enough to tell her not to do this, as it is NOT the role of a lifetime. Gia was that for her. Forget about Angelina Jolie for a minute and let’s just discuss why anyone in Hollywood thinks they have what it takes to take on the challenge of remaking The Wizard of Oz. And please don’t tell me that Tim Burton wants to do it. Though he is brilliant and everything, his… Read More »

What has become of us? Who are we? Has our nation’s pastime become golf? Is baseball passe? So last season? The brand that is golf is having such a hey day, that I actually started wearing my old Izod shirts again. Somebody help me. Take me to a Golfers Anonymous meeting. Surely they exist. There are 12 Step meetings for everything on Earth (i.e., Mistresses Anonymous and Horndogs Anonymous). Since the Tiger Woods and His Band of Merry Hookers fiasco, we have become obsessed with the minutia of the sport and his penis. It is the cover story of every… Read More »

Just watched the press conference with Tiger Woods, looking all pouty and apologetic for have endless amounts of glommy and poontang with a gaggle of hussies. I am not buying any of it. As you all know, golf has never been a big attraction for me, so why would I hang on every word that someone that wears pleated slacks. Anyway, I could only imagine what Rachel Uchitel (Lips McGilicutty) was doing during this press conference. She, who was his weekend sex toy, who reveled in Tiger’s salacious requests for constant sexual favors between golf holes. (Stop) Who wouldn’t want… Read More »

After what was surely the greatest media story on Earth, second to the death of Michael Jackson, The Tiger Woods Affair…rather….affairs, took an unexpected turn when Elin, the long suffering golf club aficionado, reunited with her overly poontanged husband, Tiger. In the midst of that media flurry, when the public was introduced to 13 of the skankiest bitches on the planet, Elin hired an attorney and the prospect of 350 million dollars was surly the best reason to leave her philandering, sex addict of a husband for Sweden’s lake shores. But, the holidays came and went and Elin must have… Read More »

The news has been so uninteresting, especially these days, with the Tiger Woods story monopolizing the media with his bevvy of hookers (I know, they all aren’t, but they are, Blanche) jumping face first in front of any camera that will have them. Who was it that said, “Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a Tiger bye his…well…surely not his toe.” Oh, right, yours truly. I have tried to limit the I Mean…What?!? coverage of The Tiger Woods Saga, reason being…it is boring as hell. How the media has made milk toast into a sex commodity is by far the greatest… Read More »

You know exactly what I am about to talk about: the endless coverage of the White House Party Crashers and Tiger Woods and His Stream of Dancing Ho’s. Unfortunately, these stories are not going anywhere for the next foreseeable future. Yikes, what’s Babba Wawwa (Barbara Walters) to do? Do you think she could quickly grab Tiger Woods or the tragically-desperate-for-fame couple Tareq and Michaele Salahi as her last two entries for 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009? She needs ratings!!! All I know is that The Insider spent a full half-hour on Tiger‘s penis. Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a… Read More »

FINALLY, Gloria Allred will get her day in Lindsay Lohan court. After all the skanks Gloria has represented in the name of truth, justice and the American way, she was NEVER called into any of Lindsay’s many kerfuffles. (I love that word.) But now, as Lohan gets arrested for the umpteenth time and hauled into the precinct, a place she can soon call her home again, Gloria is taking the opposing side and representing that hag in question, Florida psychic, Tiffany Mitchell. FROM MARCH 18, 2011 You’ve got to love Gloria Allred. She is the omnipresent voice of reason, or… Read More »