“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Finally Gloria “Madame” Allred can sleep soundly. After two hundred years of taking on the most high-profile-possible sensational cases to get maximum airtime, comes word that Allred has landed her own Judge Judy type show this fall. We The People With Gloria Allred will probably host her ex-clients, you know, those many hookers with a wallet of gold from cases past. Hopefully, she will have the reunion of all 13 Tiger Woods‘ skanks. Rachel Uchitel, get out your Jimmy Choos.… Read More »

UPDATE: The Wicked Witch of the Mid-Atlantic States, Christine O’Donnell has been boo-hooing about Piers Morgan’s line of questioning on the morning chat shows. She has actually accused Piers of sexual harassment. The troublemaker and “writer” of Troublemaker was appalled and felt “creepy” when all Piers wanted to talk about were the many stupid, idiotic, bubble-headed things that she has blathered about in her desperate attempts to become a media personality. He asked her about masturbation—a topic she is clearly well-versed in—and her stance on same-sex marriage. I have come to love the expression, “You cannot rape the willing.” I’d like… Read More »

Sometimes reading the morning news reminds me of the Enchanted Forest when Dorothy and the three caballeros are in search of the Land of Oz, only to be threatened by the pending doom of lions and tigers and bears. In that same vain, reading through today’s headlines, the three ladies who otherwise just lunch, Sarah Palin, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are doing to me what those animals did to our heroes from The Wizard of Oz. Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for their use of a singer/model, Melissa Molinaro, who kinda looks like her.… Read More »

Now that Anthony Weiner has resigned and will soon vanish from the headlines, as the paparazzi and all the haters melt into the sunset leaving him and Huma alone to redefine their relationship, should Weiner still attend Horndogs Anonymous? Let’s face it, there is a 12 Step Program for every possible ailment, from Narcotics, Marijuana, Food, Sexual Compulsives, you name it. See the A-List below from Wikipedia. For some reason, however, Horndogs Anonymous was not included onto their list, probably because there are so few members. I started HA around the time of the Tiger Woods Skank-a-thon, making Tiger the… Read More »

Greetings from having internet again. Ugh, I was a wreck. In the midst of waiting for the Verizon man today, biting nails, cursing and screaming at the innocent tech support person on the phone who was located in Mexico, as it goes, I got a text from a friend who invited me to see Charlie Sheen at Radio City Music Hall. My assistant said, “You have to go!” Somewhere in my moment of insanity from the call to Mexico, I had enough clarity of mind to respond, “You didn’t actually buy those tickets, did you?” We bantered back and forth… Read More »

A while back I wrote a piece about Mistresses Anonymous, the organization started by Sarah Symonds of the Gordon Ramsey indiscretion. Seems like all the women in the boat of having had an affair with a celebrity married man, come out swinging vis-a-vis the media. At least Sarah chose to use her position for good by starting Mistresses Anonymous, clearly an honorable thing to do. She has also become the go-to bloviator for every current infidelity plaguing our airwaves from Tiger Woods to Jesse James. While Sarah is out stumping for the Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullocks and Elizabeth Edwards of… Read More »

Remember that sultry sweetheart from Tiger Woods‘ band of happy hookers, Rachel Uchitel? Well, turns out that there is life after scandal for this lip-locking, lip-enhanced, ex-doormat, I mean doorman from the Meatpacking District hot spots. Rachel, you may recall, was the only hooker that received an undisclosed several million dollars in exchange for keeping her trap shut, thanks to Madame Gloria Allred, her attorney mouthpiece. Anyhoo, Rachel having survived Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab, is launching her next business venture as a private eye. Yes, just when you are ready to have someone followed and investigate their dirty dealings, you can… Read More »

Charlie Sheen is the Grossest Baboon Of The Year…this or any other. UPDATE TO MY UPDATE: Have you seen any of the interviews with Charlie Sheen? His arrogance knows no bounds. He occasionally says funny things, but the joke ultimately is on us, because he gets to stay him, and we get to watch. However this drama ends regarding the CBS Show Two and a Half Men, he will go on to make more millions and prove his arrogance was the right way to be. Besides the cast and crew of TAAHM, who are the biggest losers here, I feel… Read More »

As we leave the ferocious Year of the Tiger (ask Mr. Woods if you don’t believe me) and enter the Year of the Rabbit, I wanted to share a few words from the most provocative rabbit ever, Bugs Bunny. I know this defies the law of gravity, but I never studied law! Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive. What an ultramaroon! If an interesting monster can’t have an interesting hairdo I don’t know what this world is coming to. The rabbit is considered a kind and intelligent creature in Cambodian culture. The Year Of The Rabbit… Read More »

Gloria Allred, freedom fighter for all the single ladies, all the single ladies, has done it again. She was the lawyer on the case of real estate/actress Jodie Fisher, who was entangled with Mark Hurd, CEO of HP, the world’s largest tech conglomerate. Hurd resigned abruptly on Friday as a result of this case after paying off Little Miss Muffet, who in turn will cough up like 50% of her winnings to Madam Allred. I could just hear how that negotiation went down. INT. MARK HURD’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON ALLRED: OK, Markie Mark, let’s cut to the chase. What ya’… Read More »