“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

No, I will not be watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska, a.k.a The Real Housfrau of Wasilla tonight. Will you? Let’s face it, those who tune into watch that down-market, animal killer will surely be enthralled with her phony “Gotcha (wink) Crap” . In a decidedly calculated move to engage the lowest common denominator of television viewers, Sarah Palin is doing a reality show while her promiscuous daughter Bristol Palin continues (not sure how) to flash her tits on Dancing With The Stars. This is all part of the diabolical plot to have the clueless American public fall madly in love with… Read More »

Witches and warlocks have been the focus of this last election cycle. But it really all started with that Witchy Woman, Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol. Come on…don’t you think they have America under their spell? Let’s face it, Christine O’Donnell rounds out the Three Witches from Shakespeare’s Macbeth and you can just see them together in a room, complete with cauldron, plotting. “Double, double, toil and trouble.” Say what you want, but for Bristol Palin to still be on Dancing With The Stars, all clutsy and annoying, there has to be some truth here. When Sarah showed up… Read More »

Who besides me thinks Patti Stanger is an overblown yenteh who has no business advising people on matters of the heart since she herself has failed miserably? The real question is, can you find solace from people who are guilty of, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Once again The New York Times Style Section has a lead story that has nothing to do with style. On the contrary, Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker is anything but stylish…rather…she borderlines on tacky. In fact, Ms. Stanger is a recent nominee for I MEAN…WHAT?!? Gross Baboon of the Year. I… Read More »

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio. So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own… Read More »

Let’s compare the daughters of the royal families of our two political parties. The Democrats have The Clintons while the Republicans are stuck with The Palins. In this corner we have Chelsea Clinton who is educated and sophisticated and over there is Bristol Palin, a loose-lipped (and otherwise), press whore. This summer, talk of matrimony was at the center of every dinner table conversation in both homes…each with different tones. I MEAN…WHAT?!? thought it would be fun to eavesdrop on both families. INT. CLINTON DINING ROOM – EVENING HILLARY: That Marc is such a sweet boy. CHELSEA: I know, I… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

There’s something fishy going on here. My guess is that the unexpected news of the pending nuptials between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston is really just a ruse and not even true. The whole story is a publicity scam generated out of Sarah Palin‘s office. Well, seeing that her publicist is Bristol Palin, BSMP, LLC, the idea was to show the world just how forgiving and generous Sarah Palin is. And given the sensitive, personal nature of this matter, Sarah will come off as a magnanimous force of nature, hence a great candidate for the Presidency in 2012. Here’s how… Read More »

Lindsay parties with her bodyguard. So? They must spend enough time together since the media will not leave her alone. – PAGE SIX Underage Bristol Palin out at 1 OAK, a nightclub for virgins. – NY DAILY NEWS Chaz Bono is officially a boy. – TMZ Justin Bieber has lesbian hair. Check out this site: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. Rachel Uchitel, Gross Baboon nominee, is still in the press for reasons proving her gross babooniness. – D LISTED Click here to follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.… Read More »

Let it be said that I called the Sarah Palin getting a Fox News deal early this summer. I wrote: “You can ask my sister Vivian, as we were watching the freakishly neurotic and overly audible Sarah Palin resignation speech on CNN, though we were shocked that they broke away from the Michael Jackson Minutia Report, that I immediately turned to her and quoted Deep Throat and said, “Follow the money”. Sarah Palin, the smart but insane sexist windbag, will write her book, which will read like a diary from an eight grader, do a massive book tour throughout the… Read More »

My head is spinning from the announcement of Bristol Palin’s new public relations firm that has launched called BSMP LLC. Since you asked, that stands for Bristol Sharon Marie Palin Lascivious Lame Crapola. Bristol has become the spokes-model for Candie’s Foundation against teenage pregnancy and abstinence, not that she would know anything about any of that. But besides the point, what next step is there for the teenage mother, really? Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Palin compound (nee house) as they sat around trying to figure out next steps in world domination on the heels… Read More »