“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Let’s face it, celebrity fragrances are here to stay and the field is getting more competitive as the seconds tick. Kanye West is coming out with one as is Madonna, the world’s greatest marketing expert. Naturally, Lady Gaga can’t miss a day without doing something media savvy, so get ready to smell like Le Hint de Gaga Schtunk. Rumor has it that a Nicki Minaj scent is in the pipeline and betcha my bottom dollar that some Real Housewife is seriously contemplating her options. HSN, here she comes. Hey, if Tovah Borgnine (yes, Ernest Borgnine’s wife) can do it successfully,… Read More »

With the passing of Elizabeth Taylor, there is a hole in the celebrity fragrance market that Justin Bieber can fill with the launch of his new product line, Justin Bieber Scented Dog Tags. Move over Jennifer Aniston with your Lolavie nonsense because The Biebs is here with a fresh take on how to smell. The celebrity fragrance and celebrity designer industry is alive and kicking and Justin’s dog tags are the best of both worlds. It is a fragrance that will spice up your wardrobe, while spicing up the way you smell. It is borderline brilliant in a kitsch kind… Read More »

Clearly I am not a Jennifer Aniston fan. Not since last century when Friends was one of my favorite shows and I pined for “The Rachel” hairdo. I still do, but that is because I have no hair so I’ll take anything. No, after observing Jennifer in certain situations (lush) when I lived in Los Angeles, it took the wind of out the sail of loving Jennifer Aniston. Besides, the show was canceled by then and she changed up her hair. When she married Brad Pitt, I wondered if this was a Hollywood gay cover-up because they had the same… Read More »

NEW ALERT: SAMMI “SWEETHEART” JUST LAUNCHED A JEWELRY LINE. You know that I was not letting this ditty go by unnoticed. Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, yes, the bitchy one from MTV’s Jersey Shore, is actually launching a fragrance. Dangerous will be out in stores in time for those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer at the Jersey Shore. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what kind of girl wants to smell like a cat, with Katy Perry’s Purr or Kate Walsh’s (ex)Boyfriend. Oh, and let’s not forget Jennifer Aniston’s Lolavie, whatever the hell that means, that she… Read More »

The papers are trashing Jennifer Aniston for her newest bomb The Switch, which you could have seen coming a mile away by the premise alone. Who walks around with the sperm intended for the hoo-ha. Your biological time clock is ticking…what’s with the celebration before the fact? Hurry up girl…shove it in. Here’s how the casting of this role went down. INT. CAA OFFICES – DAY CAA AGENT: Here, Jen, do this movie, it’s called The Switch. JENNIFER: Who is the director? CAA AGENT: (Thinking to himself) Who does she think she is…Bette Davis? JENNIFER: Is it yet another comedy?… Read More »

You know you have hit the big top when a fragrance bears your name, or your pet’s name, or your favorite childhood memory’s name of some such nonsense. You all know my aversion to celebrity fashion designers. Now I am officially adding celebrity schtoonk-meisters to the list of things that make me say fotz or “ewww”. Let me start by mentioning my favorite exception to this parade, none other than Dame Elizabeth Taylor. When Elizabeth created White Diamonds, she was pretty much out of the movie business, still  gorgeous and well…friggen Liz Taylor. Don’t even try to put Sarah Jessica… Read More »