“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump‘s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross Baboon of the Year look that all of Tiger Woods‘ skanks share. Now, I am all for racy, but didn’t Carrie Prejean…nutbag hypocrite extraordinaire…get chastised for being a skank? Will this new pageant action shift the talent portion of the evening? Will we see Fellatio?… Read More »

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans.… Read More »

There’s nothing like a rainy Saturday afternoon, curled up on the couch with the new issue of Vanity Fair. It has been a favorite pastime for years…especially since we get so much freakin’ rain. Lately though, some of the subjects and stories featured in VF are getting as pedestrian as punch. Case in point: the issue with the Tiger Woods‘ cover, thrown in there for good measure, to garner some newsstand action. I understand that need for Graydon Carter to want get in on the greatest media obsession on Earth, but that cover was nauseating and frankly, above Vanity Fair.… Read More »

Just watched the press conference with Tiger Woods, looking all pouty and apologetic for have endless amounts of glommy and poontang with a gaggle of hussies. I am not buying any of it. As you all know, golf has never been a big attraction for me, so why would I hang on every word that someone that wears pleated slacks. Anyway, I could only imagine what Rachel Uchitel (Lips McGilicutty) was doing during this press conference. She, who was his weekend sex toy, who reveled in Tiger’s salacious requests for constant sexual favors between golf holes. (Stop) Who wouldn’t want… Read More »

This is a good day for Loredana Jolie, who I crowned Gross Baboon of the Year in regards to her loose lips (get your mind out of the gutter) during the Tiger Woods fiasco. Today I am stripping Loredana of her title and giving it to Hailey Grossman, of Jon Gosselin and drunk-in-a-plant fame. Just to refresh your memories, I crowned Loredana with the title Gross Baboon of the Year when she was flapping her gums about the book she was going to write about the Tiger Woods tryst, and alluding to Tiger’s homosexual activities. Loredana, dear…just because you were… Read More »

For weeks, I have been begging the media to let dead Tigers lay…as in the case of Tiger Woods and his many whores. But as time marches on, we are still accosted by claims from these cheap hussies, case in point and the winner of Gross Baboon of the Year, Loredana Jolie…no relation to Angelina…who must be plotzing as far as possible Google affiliations go. Seriously though, I am so not interested in Tiger Wood’s penis and now I need to know even more about it? And this hooker Loredana needs to try her hand at writing a book?!? What… Read More »