“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Now that Alan Greenspan has left the main stage, after fucking up our economy, word is from his new book, “The Age Of Turbulence” (or How I Fucked Up the World Economy) that we can gauge the state of the economy by looking at the sales of “male underpants”. I mean…what?!? Greenspan was known for his “quirky, proletariat metrics to judge the temperature of the economy”, but the male underpants thing sounds a bit kinky…no? Do you think he studied all the men’s underwear ads in an effort to garner inspiration for his economic philosophies? You know, just lay out… Read More »

Yes, this is true. Jay-Z just inked a deal with some fragrance factory in Fort Lauderdale… the stink capitol of the world…to pound out a collection of new fragrances called Rihanna, Kanye and Jay-Z (working titles). Oh, and one other surprise pop star, who at press time has remained nameless. Um…let me guess….Beyonce? Poor Beyonce, she is the only viable one in the bunch that could launch a celebrity fragrance, but now that she is married to Jay-Z, so much for her doing a Mimi or Brittany, instead, she will enter the ranks of…well…rank.… Read More »

Mayor Michael Bloomberg really has no reason to be all freaked out. He’s a gajillionaire, he’s ahead in the polls for the next election cycle, which is what his gajillions bought…a possible third term…and now he’s hired everyone that has been recently unemployed to help with his re-election campaign, including all of Hilary’s screwballs. So, then I read that “his campaign sought to overpower any candidate considering challenging him, Mr. Bloomberg commissioned a telephone poll last month that spread derogatory information about Representative Anthony D. Weiner one of the mayor’s possible rivals in the race.” Uhhh….Bloomy, chill. You’re acting like… Read More »

Yes, Giselle Bundchen is gorgeous, as is her husband, Tom Brady. But did she really need to be on the cover of Vanity Fair? Correct me if I am wrong, but do we really care THAT much about her? I mean, she’s no Naomi or Kate. At least they had (have) massive drug histories, which make them extremely interesting and iconic. It’s just that Giselle is stunning, rich, married, happy, and blesses the food she eats. Yawn. Although I was riveted by the fact that she was raised in a remote village in southern Brazil where she says, “There were… Read More »

Uch, such pressure. I was reading an artcle in Women’s Wear Daily about the top U.S. designers response to being snubbed by Michelle Obama. Now, granted, I think her Jason Wu and Thakoon obsession is not that warranted, but it’s really cool of her on some level. What level, I’m not sure, but a level. And I see the point that Donna Karan, Oscar de la Renta, Vera Wang and Carolina Herrera make. Oscar was even bold enough to say, “You don’t go to Buckingham Palace in a sweater.” Oh, no, you didn’t. Good for him, though. What does he… Read More »

Match the image to the ditty. 1. The Real Housewives of New York have all been cursed since the second (highest ratings) season began. Each experiencing personal problems, neither willing to admit that being the most annoying women on television is a bad thing. On the contrary, they are reveling in it. Who are these women again? 2. The claim that Harlem is losing its soul because those highfalutin real estate developments planned for the “New Harlem Renaissance” have dried up. Well, correct me if I am wrong, but Harlem has soul, it’s the real estate developers that don’t. This… Read More »

OK, OK. Sure Michelle Obama is fierce. And very stylish. And totally cool. And really smart. And her politics are wonderful. And her positive impact is being felt worldwide. And her husband is Barak Obama. OK, OK. But I have to draw the line in the sand to this ridiculous comparison between her and Carla Bruni. First of all, why must we simpletons resort to comparing at all. Why can’t people just stand on their own merit. Why can Michelle just be fabulous, compared to nobody. And what is to be gained by declaring that Michelle “out-glamed” Carla? I’ll tell… Read More »

The reason I started I Mean…What?!? was to draw attention the nonsense that fills the airwaves. The modern day media frenzy has become the master ill of our time; destroying the lives of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. Granted, they are annoying, but two wrongs don’t make a right. With the media outlets fearing loss of market share and ad revenue, they jump into sensationalist mode where no one is safe, and no story too boring to blabber on ad nauseum. I speak today of the little goose that Michelle Obama did to the Queen of England’s rear. I would… Read More »

Here we go again. Another Hilton heir is on the rise. Paris and Nikki’s younger brother Barron Nicholas, who as of late has been partying all around London, has  “officially” decided he wants to be something, do something, sing something. And I quote: “I’m sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bleeps] I was sleeping with. I’m done with partying and traveling. It’s time to get this [bleep] started.” I am trying to figure out what was bleeped out here. Hmmm, how many bleeps… Read More »

My favorite Oxycontin addict, Rush Limbaugh, has promised to move out of New York City now that Governor Patterson has upped the tax code for the rich. Next stop Texas where he can pal around with Bushy. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. And that is front page news? Well, yes, good news anyway. And with the exodus of that gross baboon comes a ray of hope that true, cool people will prevail and we’ll take back New York from the riff-raff that began to inhabit once the Disney-fication took hold during the Giuliani years. Toodles galore…all of you.… Read More »