“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The gloves are off and the cat fight begins between Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, the Doublemint Twins of the Tea Party. Neither zealot has officially entered the race yet, but they are already taking jabs at each other through their hired mouth pieces. What is more brilliant than that? Brilliant because as I predicted months ago, there will be no harmony with this duet. It is similar to the similarities of Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain. It is hard to tell them apart, too. In March, when the Charlie Sheen meltdown was monopolizing the airwaves, I wrote: The… Read More »

The past few days while Charlie Sheen has been monopolizing the airwaves, the happy homemakers, Sarah (Cross-Hair) Palin and Michele (Cross-Eyed) Bachmann have been doing their darndest to get some face time on the boob tube. Naturally, Fox News to the rescue, where Ms. Blabbermouth #1 has been spewing venomous insults about the Obama Administration, while her potential Presidential rival Ms. Blabbermouth #2 was doing the same. The slanderous comments such as “Gangster Government” is so racially motivated, that it makes John Galliano look like Mother Teresa. Now, these two bimbettes have synced up their talking points to the point… Read More »

Don’t you love people who shoot themselves in the foot? I sure do. It makes me very happy and few things make me very happy. Like a Percocet and a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or watching the snow fall from my bedroom window, which overlooks downtown Manhattan. Red Carpet arrivals make me happy, too, and last night’s SAG Awards was no exception. Winner is Mila Kunis. Let’s hear it for Alexander McQueen‘s busiest week. But in the case of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, their perfunctory need to yattle off at the mouth–spewing Tea Party nonsense–well,… Read More »

Awwww, poor Michelle Bachmann. She’s running neck and neck with the losers Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman for Biggest Loser in recent polls. Now, look, I am the first one to call that woman a crackpot and her gay husband Marcus Bachmann, a closet case. But to refresh your memory, I started the Michelle Bachmann for President campaign in May (see below), knowing full well that she guarantees Barack Obama’s second term. Well, I am still happy to support Bachmann for President. Please join me. Listening to old bug eyes yattle on and on how she would stop giving food… Read More »

If anyone needs to hire ID-PR, Slate or 42 West, it is Michele Bachmann. Say what you want about those pushy celebrity publicists, but you will NEVER see a cover shot of Jake Gyllenhaal looking like he is tweaking, or Jennifer Aniston looking like she is plugged into a socket. Granted, celebrity publicists have gotten a “not great” reputation as being bitchy and annoying, but they do their job, and usually very well. There are plenty of not-interesting talent that celebrity publicists get tons of coverage on. I won’t get into it now (January Jones) so I can stay on… Read More »

Sometimes reading the morning news reminds me of the Enchanted Forest when Dorothy and the three caballeros are in search of the Land of Oz, only to be threatened by the pending doom of lions and tigers and bears. In that same vain, reading through today’s headlines, the three ladies who otherwise just lunch, Sarah Palin, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are doing to me what those animals did to our heroes from The Wizard of Oz. Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for their use of a singer/model, Melissa Molinaro, who kinda looks like her.… Read More »

Tyra Banks, move over. We are now watching the ultimate beauty contest between Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann as they go toe to toe in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model… Citizen? Now all we need is a segment with Miss J Alexander as he shows the hopefuls how to walk up to the podium with grace, turn, nod to constituents, wave ever so slightly, then walk off stage without answering any questions. There is little difference between these two ladies when you stop, look and listen to them. Welcome to our newest reality show, model camp meets… Read More »

Gross Baboon of the Year Award kicks off awards season here at I Mean What. Hey, look, the Razzies started somewhere and surely not in a ballroom. … Read More »

Perhaps I do not speak for everyone when mentioning drinking mushroom tea. Have you ever tried it? It is amazing. The reason it has been on my mind lately is because there must be something in the tea of the Tea Party. What exactly are the Tea Party-ers partying on? Surely these people are not stone cold sober. They have to be high on something, and life is not one of them. Reasons below: Michele Bachmann must be on Oxycontin or else she would have known, or had access to know, that the day she was bringing in the sheathes… Read More »

  Politicians are like an “IT” bag, and each season, there is a new “must-have”. This Presidential season is going to be the Chanel of wind bags. You find me one candidate for President of the United States, present company and President included, that is not prone to hypocrisy, and I will pay you money. Seriously, this is a one time offer, as I am not a betting man. No one on Earth can present the case for a candidate who does not talk out of both sides of their mouth and other orifices, in order to please the masses.… Read More »