“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

I want to be Mary Alice Stephenson when I come back to Earth in my next life. Tall, blond, female, smart, beautiful, industrious, glamorous…need I say more? Either I want to be just like her or a French poodle in a Jewish household on Long Island. Both lives are charmed. I met Mary Alice at a fund-raising event…you see…she is perfect…and we have since kept in touch. Recently, we both were speaking on a panel about the future of the fashion industry. There she was, clad in red Calvin Klein fierceness. I mentioned interviewing her for IMW-TV, though at that time, I had not yet met my director David McIntyre. Mary Alice’s response was, “Abe, I’d love to give you the exclusive and take you through my closet. I have been collecting clothes for years. It would be so much fun.” Enter…obsession. Besides being Contributing Editor to Harper’s Bazaar and a Style Commentator on The Oprah Winfrey Show and other fabulous things, last night Mary Alice was the Style Expert and Commentator on the Red Carpet for CNN. Check out our interview in two parts and be sure to keep scrolling to get our tête à tête about this year’s Best and Worst Oscar gowns.

RED CARPET CHIT CHAT: With Mary Alice

ABE: Let me start by saying overall, there was way too much dress on the red carpet. Yes, ruffles are in vogue and Vogue, but the volume was pumped up and in some cases way too high.
MAS: The big statement was strapless. I loved a lot of what went down the Red Carpet.
ABE: Yes, there were more hits than misses but too much ruffle borders on birthday cake.
MAS: My three favorites were Zoe Saldana in Givenchy Haute Couture, Carrie Mulligan in Prada and those Fred Leighton chandelier earrings, wow. And I loved Sarah Jessica Parker in Chanel Haute Couture.
ABE: SPJ was sooo 60’s. I loved the hair…though I am hearing some kvetching out there from people who were not alive to know a good Elizabeth Taylor hairdo when they see one.
MAS: I loved Penelope Cruz, Demi Moore, Kristin Stewart, Miley Cirus, Charlize Theron, stunning. So was Cameron Diaz and Gabouray Sidibe.
ABE: Yes, Gabouray was really feeling mighty reel. Good for her. Naturally, Oprah had to run onstage and schnorr up some of that attention.
MAS: Oprah looked great in Carolina Herrera.
ABE: Oy vey, what was the deal with James Cameron‘s wife. Yikes. She was screaming for a cape-let to cover the whole anorexic look. Double yikes.
MAS: I think Kate Winslet is beautiful but I didn’t love the Yves Saint Laurent choice. A little matronly.
ABE: I think it would have been amazing if that skirt was pair of pleated pants. Then it would have been uber-chic.
MAS: And I wasn’t convinced with the Maggie Gyllenhaal‘s Dries van Noten choice.
ABE: I loved it.
MAS: I love that she is a risk taker, but I thought it would have been better for the Golden Globes.

TEXT CHAT: Texts between me, my sister Vivian and my assistants Johnna and Ryan.

RYAN: What is with Kathy Ireland‘s hands?
JOHNNA: Did you see how weird Kathy Ireland looks…like a robot? And what’s with her hair?
ABE: It’s the hands. Ryan just texted and is hysterical.
ABE: James Cameron’s wife, yikes.
RYAN: I still can’t get over Kathy Ireland’s hands. It’s been the best part of the evening.
JOHNNA: Christopher Plummer has gin blossom.
ABE: Gin Edelweiss, you mean.
VIVIAN: Oy, is this the most boring Oscar show ever? The commercials are more interesting.
ABE: The Healthy Choice commercial with Julia Louise Dreyfus and Jane Lynch was funnier than Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin.
RYAN: Ryan Reynolds is hot!
ABE: Agreed.
JOHNNA: Jeremy Renner is hot!
ABE: Agreed.
VIVIAN: I can’t believe they omitted Farah Fawcett from In Memoriam.
ABE: And Bea Arthur.
RYAN: Can’t stop thinking about Kathy Ireland’s hands.
ABE: This dance has got to stop. They directors and producers really screwed this up.
VIVIAN: So James Cameron lost Kathryn Bigelow and Best Movie. I’m going to sleep. This was the worst.
ABE: I am so glad Sandra Bullock won…and did NOT borrow any jewelry from Martin Katz.
VIVIAN: Who cares.
ABE: And to all a good night.