Breaking Newzzzz

Jul 24, 2011Breaking Newzzz

Can you guess who this is? It's Katy Perry, looking like a yenteh in her new blond hair.

It’s all about having super powers these days. Whether you are a Marvel Comic or Katy Perry, whose super powers have catapulted her into the stratosphere, even with that noose (husband) around her neck, or a graduate of Hogwarts. The fact remains, no super powers, no fame. And in the case of HBO’s True Blood, you have to be a witch or a warlock, a shape shifter or a vampire, because being a regular human means nothing these days. Even in politics there are super things. Take this newly suggested Super Congress, set to determine all of our fates by raising the debt ceiling and taking the onus off the Republican party, who are deathly (hallows) afraid of the Tea Party Gross Baboons. One thing is for sure, John Boehner has lost his super tanning powers because this debate has washed his otherwise orange skin into this pasty shade of grey.

What happened to John Boehner's skin color?

See what I mean?

And another bit on Breaking Newzzz is that Michele Bachmann suffers from debilitating migraine headaches. As a past sufferer of migraines, I know all too well how crippling they can be. Imagine if she was in the White House and a terrorist was about to bomb…something…unlike George W. Bush, who valiantly sat idly by and read a picture book to kindergarteners, Michele would have to take a shot of Compazene and wash it down with two Percodan in order just to not scream in pain and hopefully sleep it off. It has been reported that Marcus Bachmannmanages her medication when she has these outbursts. You know, he shops for her, dispenses drugs, come to think of it, she’s no fool. She owns a gay who takes good care of her. Two Snaps Up, girl.

I wonder if Marcus Bachmann gives Michele the biggest headache.