“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Wanna hear one of my pet peeves? Bitches that get in your space when you are working out.

Who of you…yes, you, who are reading this blog, though I am still not sure of who you are, but, anyway, whoever you are…do you takes fitness classes, or go to a gym? A gym that is just way too over-crowded? Especially right after the New Year when everyone’s guilt’s are in full bloom and their resolutions have not worn off. It is these horrendous people, who are just working out until they resume their couch potato, bulimic ways that over-populate gyms. Is it just me or are these people just completely clueless and so self-absorbed, that they either:

(a) get in your space (b) have just cut in front of you unaware that you exist (c) fill up liter-sized bottles of water while you only want a sip (d) smell (e) make smells (f) are just fucking annoying.

I mean…what?!?

My fitness regiment is Intensati, the spiritual approach to working out and living your life with clear intentions, consciousness, mindfulness and just a great, lovely, healing, loving approach to working out. But some of these bitches in my class are not getting the message. There’s this one JAP, hey, I’m Jewish, I can say what I want about Jewish America Princesses. This is not a comment on Japanese people, though Jews have surely helped make sushi the big thing once they discovered how unhealthy Chinese food is…but I digress.

Anyway, this overly entitled princess comes in late, after everyone has selected their little spots, scopes out preferred area, plants herself, mirror ready and proceeds to crouch in on whose ever territory, with no regard or awareness of others and starts looking in the mirror pursing her lips in self-adoration. Mind you these lips are horribly inflated with collagen or ass fat…something. Yiiiikes. Well, she finally did that to me. And honey, I was not having it. I didn’t give her an inch. On the contrary. I did not budge. Just did my lovely workout. Naturally she left early, disgruntled, though probably there was a white sale going on uptown. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to move me…especially when you are a garden variety, pony-tailed (P.T.C.), Bloomingdales shopping, Upper East Side, self-absorbed, yenteh.  Whew…I am glad I got that out of my system. Now I can move on and get back to my very spiritual life.

Have a great day y’all.

xoxo

ABE