“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The film, The Social Network has forced Mark Zuckerberg to come out of the shadows, rather, his computer screen. Since then, it seems that Facebook, which I used to like, has evolved quickly into a mass marketing machine. I am accosted with invitations to utter nonsense making my email inbox seem like a spam free zone, which it is not. Gone are the good old days when long-lost eighth grade classmates would stalk me now that that they see I am no longer a fatso however they are. We see Mark Zuckerberg everywhere: Dinners, power meetings with President Obama or… Read More »

Where is the outrage? We all know by now how horrendous the Tea Party is with all their racist Tea Bagging shenanigans. But now, things are really spiraling out of control. Where in hell is this Marilyn Davenport, the Orange County Republican Central Committee slash Tea Partyer woman who sent out a mass email depicting Barack Obama as a chimpanzee? What infuriates me is that every news outlet posted the offensive, inappropriate image but no one has posted a picture of the culprit, Marilyn Davenport. We at I Mean..What?!? refused to post that image as we consider ourselves somewhat tactful… Read More »

What else? Donald Trump can show Nicolas Cage the benefits of the art of the comb over.… Read More »

Kobe Bryant did the unthinkable. In a moment of heated passion and utter annoyance at a play on a basketball court, he spewed the two words that no homosexual likes to hear. This quickly became GLAAD’s call to arms, rainbow flag in hand, crying (with tears) foul. There was a time that simply the F-word was taboo extraordinaire on the courts with penalties mounting as the inner city kids were taking over the sport. This recent Kobe-Gate multiplies the drama times two because when he screamed F**cking Fa**ot, he was not just whistling Dixie. It was a double entendre and… Read More »

For those of you who have been reading I Mean…What?!? for a while, you might recall in my many Manzie Reports from last year and my observation that Gina Lollobrigida Orange was the new black. Naturally, I was being facetious because the way they were showing orange on the men’s runways in Milan and Paris, you would have to be insane to be caught dead walking the streets in half of these get ups, rather, you would get the shit kicked out of you by a pack of homophobes. Fortunately, orange in regards to menswear, never really took off, but… Read More »

Have you heard about MiMA? Can you guess what it is? Nope, guess again. If you live in Manhattan or Miami and are familiar with the nicknames certain neighborhoods, well, here’s one that takes the cake. MiMA stands for Middle Manhattan. No, that is not Hell’s Kitchen. Somehow that neighborhood has become hip. No, MiMa is trying to claim it is the new cool part of town. The ad campaign plastered around New York City is from a real estate developer, Related, who has built a monstrosity of a structure at 42nd Street and 12th Avenue near the Hudson River,… Read More »

In what surely was Pia Toscano‘s luckiest day, last Thursday the stunning songbird got booted off American Idol to a shocked studio audience and a sobbing Jennifer Lopez. But sob not, because Jimmy Iovine signed her for a record deal as soon as the show ended. Here’s the weird bit, on Wednesday night, I had a feeling that Pia was going to get booted off and through all 10 seasons of Idol, I have never called to vote for anyone. Not even Fantasia Barrino. But I was compelled to call that 866 Pia number like a dozen times. When I… Read More »

Greetings from having internet again. Ugh, I was a wreck. In the midst of waiting for the Verizon man today, biting nails, cursing and screaming at the innocent tech support person on the phone who was located in Mexico, as it goes, I got a text from a friend who invited me to see Charlie Sheen at Radio City Music Hall. My assistant said, “You have to go!” Somewhere in my moment of insanity from the call to Mexico, I had enough clarity of mind to respond, “You didn’t actually buy those tickets, did you?” We bantered back and forth… Read More »

Not that I am superstitious, and surely not because I am an astrologer, but clearly, I am being effected by Mercury being in retrograde, which sadly continues approximately three weeks. The day it started I Mean What went funky and now that we are in it my business website ABE NYC is acting up as well. Needless to say it gets worse because Verizon has to send a technician over to my place because my DSL line is shot. This is spooky. Somewhere over the rainbow there’s an evil gnome who is playing with my head by screwing up the… Read More »

Arrest me for making this comparison, but both of these outspoken fringe-element characters, Pastor Terry Jones, being incredibly evil, and Jimmy McMillan, The Rent Is Too Damn High Guy, being hilariously right have one unmistakable thing in common: their facial hair. When these guys are not in front of the cameras spewing utter nonsense–again, one being extraordinarily evil, like Charles Manson evil, versus hilarious, like will-never-get-elected hilarious–they must be members of Barbershop Quartets. What Rosa Parks was to the Civil Rights Movement, Terry Jones is to the War On Terror. What Terry Jones did by burning the Koran will be… Read More »