“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

There’s so much hub-bub about torture in the news these days. I’ve looked at the evidence, listened to the pundits and dickheads (Dick Cheney, who else?) and have decided that water boarding and all the other methods wouldn’t compare to what I have concocted as a far more effective and painless way to scare the bejesus out of any terrorist and get them talking.… Read More »

Here’s what I love about Mel Gibson, and any other self-righteous celebrity ass like Anita Bryant, Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, or many Republicans currently in office like Sarah Palin: They know that “the Lord giveth and then taketh away”. SPECIAL NOTE: Did you know that quote comes from what is called the Ejaculatory Prayer? Get where I’m going here? When celebrities lives get all convoluted because of their desperate need to be seen and heard, coupled with their pathetic attempt to spread Godliness like venereal disease, is when they get a good dose of God for themselves. And not in… Read More »

Yes, Giselle Bundchen is gorgeous, as is her husband, Tom Brady. But did she really need to be on the cover of Vanity Fair? Correct me if I am wrong, but do we really care THAT much about her? I mean, she’s no Naomi or Kate. At least they had (have) massive drug histories, which make them extremely interesting and iconic. It’s just that Giselle is stunning, rich, married, happy, and blesses the food she eats. Yawn. Although I was riveted by the fact that she was raised in a remote village in southern Brazil where she says, “There were… Read More »

Match the image to the ditty. 1. The Real Housewives of New York have all been cursed since the second (highest ratings) season began. Each experiencing personal problems, neither willing to admit that being the most annoying women on television is a bad thing. On the contrary, they are reveling in it. Who are these women again? 2. The claim that Harlem is losing its soul because those highfalutin real estate developments planned for the “New Harlem Renaissance” have dried up. Well, correct me if I am wrong, but Harlem has soul, it’s the real estate developers that don’t. This… Read More »

Here we go again. Another Hilton heir is on the rise. Paris and Nikki’s younger brother Barron Nicholas, who as of late has been partying all around London, has  “officially” decided he wants to be something, do something, sing something. And I quote: “I’m sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bleeps] I was sleeping with. I’m done with partying and traveling. It’s time to get this [bleep] started.” I am trying to figure out what was bleeped out here. Hmmm, how many bleeps… Read More »

My favorite Oxycontin addict, Rush Limbaugh, has promised to move out of New York City now that Governor Patterson has upped the tax code for the rich. Next stop Texas where he can pal around with Bushy. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. And that is front page news? Well, yes, good news anyway. And with the exodus of that gross baboon comes a ray of hope that true, cool people will prevail and we’ll take back New York from the riff-raff that began to inhabit once the Disney-fication took hold during the Giuliani years. Toodles galore…all of you.… Read More »

1. Ashley Dupree for one. In today’s NY Post she goes on about her new found yoga body and that it has brought her salvation. First of all, just getting into a few positions in spandex similar to the ones you did nude for $$$ does not salvation bring. Oh, and she also copped a new yoga friend: Russell Simmons. “Russel’s become a mentor, and has helped me work through my issues. I feel liberated and honored that people like him support me. I’m starting to feel respected for who I am.” Oh really? Does getting a publicist hasten the… Read More »

So, let me get this straight. Jason Wu, designer of the moment, yes the one that made Michelle Obama’s inaugural gown, which I thought made her look pregnant from both sides, actually had Ashley Dupre sit front row at his fashion show on Friday. I mean…whaaaaaaat?!? According to the NY Post, “While everyone was waiting with bated breath to see if First Lady Michelle Obama might show up at Jason Wu’s show, instead it was kicked off by lady of the evening Ashley Dupre.” To quote my friend Carrie Fisher here, “These are the options?” Are you trying to tell me that when… Read More »