Weiner’s Plan Was To Boot Palin From The Headlines

Wanna hear my theory on what really was happening with Weiner-Gate?

Gotta hand in to the Democrats. When none of the Republican presidential hopefuls like Mitt Romney or John Whats-his-name could grab one headline from the Sarah Palin and her Catch Me Catch Me Tour, Anthony Weiner came up with a brilliant plan with the Democratic National Committee in an effort to diminish Palin’s rising star. Weiner-Gate is a complete fabrication—from the crotch shot to the titty shot. Weiner’s plan was to create this scandal and pull the trigger when it was looking like Sarah’s cutesy clueless act was winning over the hearts and minds of the people and more importantly, the press. Sure, one could label me a conspiracy theorist, but looking at this scandal objectively, none of it makes sense.

  • Exhibit A: Crotch shot. Unlike Bret Favre, who while wearing Crocs, texted pictures of what has been described as a lackluster member, Weiner’s crotch shot tells a different story. Bottom line: Any man would gladly prove to the world that he is well-endowed. Hence, this picture was intended for the whole world to see, not just some stranger in Seattle.
  • Exhibit B: Titty shot. When you look at Anthony Weiner in clothes, his suits are so ill-fitting and boxy that he looks like he is suffering from an eating disorder. This titty shot was intended to prove that he is not manorexic.
  • Exhibit C: Total strangers. Of course all the alleged communicaes are with strangers. Anthony loves his wife Huma, who was in on this plan from the get go. So by not actually doing anything physical, he maintains his monogamy, unlike every other political scandal in the recent past. Result: This story gets the legs it needs to get Sarah “Revere” Palin off the front page of The New York Times and The Huffington Post.
  • Exhibit D: Facebook and Twitter. The brilliant Mr. Weiner, chose to use these newly minted social media outlets now reserved mostly for crappy invitations and discount promotions to prove how silly and easily manipulated we are. Result: Bringing people on FB & Twitter to reading about anything BUT Sarah Palin.
  • Exhibit E: Week long press tour. Weiner had to stay the course to prove his innocence, because if he just disappeared, then he could not resume his career, after taking such a major bullet for the Democratic Party. After all he is innocent…no?
  • Exhibit F: Sob Festival. Since no one was buying the week long bullshit press conferences, Weiner was cornered into sobbing like a little girl at the risk of exposing the whole “Get Sarah Off The Front Page Initiative”. He had to start eeking the sympathy vote from the press and his supporters.
  • Exhibit G: Not Resigning. If my theory holds true, Weiner is technically not guilty of anything besides being a loyal Democrat. Hence, he ain’t going nowhere. Or is he?
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