“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Look, even hats get to be famous these days. This floppy, ribbon hat is flying off the shelves after Sandra Bullock was snapped wearing it. – E.T. Skanks Incorporated is about to have their first Board meeting. Michelle McGee, Hailey Glassman and Gina Lynn will be together doing some skanky nonsense. – PAGE 6 The Church is comparing the Pope’s situation to the persecution of the Jews during WWII. Shown here, Marlene Lugosi Pope Benedict (Arnold) loves this hat because it covers her his ears. – NY TIMES Though she was 2 1/2 hours late for her recent concert in… Read More »

There’s nothing like a rainy Saturday afternoon, curled up on the couch with the new issue of Vanity Fair. It has been a favorite pastime for years…especially since we get so much freakin’ rain. Lately though, some of the subjects and stories featured in VF are getting as pedestrian as punch. Case in point: the issue with the Tiger Woods‘ cover, thrown in there for good measure, to garner some newsstand action. I understand that need for Graydon Carter to want get in on the greatest media obsession on Earth, but that cover was nauseating and frankly, above Vanity Fair.… Read More »

While the nation waits with bated breath as the Senate votes on Barack Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, that lovely specimen of a human, Rachel Uchitel is far more preoccupied with matters of national security…namely herself. Let’s see what one of Tiger Woods‘ silly, sex slaves is busy with today. My source tells me that Rachel is stressed and feels really alone with her millions that known Madam, Gloria Allred, secured for her. Poor baby…money to burn and no where to go but to the press. See the letter below that Madam Allred just sent to Jeff Beacher, who trashed… Read More »

Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone… Read More »

This is a good day for Loredana Jolie, who I crowned Gross Baboon of the Year in regards to her loose lips (get your mind out of the gutter) during the Tiger Woods fiasco. Today I am stripping Loredana of her title and giving it to Hailey Grossman, of Jon Gosselin and drunk-in-a-plant fame. Just to refresh your memories, I crowned Loredana with the title Gross Baboon of the Year when she was flapping her gums about the book she was going to write about the Tiger Woods tryst, and alluding to Tiger’s homosexual activities. Loredana, dear…just because you were… Read More »

So, now I have heard everything…but this ditty takes the cake. My inside source in Albany said that New York Governor David Paterson is embroiled in a controversy that will make you chapp dein kop (hold your head in Yiddish). The New York Times is working on the story, which is said to break momentarily. Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the Elliot Spitzer tree and there is a rumor that the Governor used public funds to cop drugs (blow) and hookers (blow). Can you stand it? Blow squared? I would like to think this is not true…but since… Read More »

Ah, the allure of fame. Fortune tends to follow suit…unless you are Nick Lachey or Jon Gosselin. But, those are the exceptions to the rule. Back to fame. “Celebrity is obscurity waiting to happen,” says Carrie Fisher. And true dat. So who makes the list this week? Could it be anyone from the cast of Ugly Betty? That would be a yes. There is also Lordana Jolie, winner, Gross Baboon of the Year. Or perhaps it is Mel B…AGAIN…since I put her on the original Last Five Minutes of Fame List when I launched this category…fyi.… Read More »

Celebrity / Socialite / Rachel Uchitel? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Check out this birthday invitation for the hooker / hag / collagen-filled / tranny-like thing that Tiger Woods used to date. She calls herself a celebrity / socialite. In what circles? My source told me that Rachel was Tiger’s blow-up doll. She was completely on call every time he got a boner and that he exhausted every one of her orifices. Like a hooker. Once on a trip, she kept calling my friend, between boners, in an attempt to get up for air. But as the story goes his sexual… Read More »

For weeks, I have been begging the media to let dead Tigers lay…as in the case of Tiger Woods and his many whores. But as time marches on, we are still accosted by claims from these cheap hussies, case in point and the winner of Gross Baboon of the Year, Loredana Jolie…no relation to Angelina…who must be plotzing as far as possible Google affiliations go. Seriously though, I am so not interested in Tiger Wood’s penis and now I need to know even more about it? And this hooker Loredana needs to try her hand at writing a book?!? What… Read More »

As we close out the year and begin anew, let’s see who has what it takes to keep their puss in the light of media glare and what nudniks gets cast aside like a pair of old shoes. It’s a tough business, this business of show, and you have to be cunning, baffling and powerful…oh, that’s alcohol, but still applicable here. Who doesn’t benefit from a booze addled night coupled with a few Hooter-types? Can you say Tiger Woods thirteen times fast? Anyhoo, here to kick-off 2010, is the first installment of Last Five Minutes of Fame.… Read More »