“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Remember when the Oscars meant something? Families would gather round their one television set, snacks piled high. It was the signature event of the movie industry, when actors still held a mystique because they were so inaccessible. Their lifestyles were imagined rather than paraded for the media, only few would speak out in support of injustices or charitable causes and we were kept at arms length from knowing too much what went on behind closed doors. Boy has that all changed. Now, we know so much about everyone that is nominated for each award, that by the time the Oscar… Read More »

This is a good day for Loredana Jolie, who I crowned Gross Baboon of the Year in regards to her loose lips (get your mind out of the gutter) during the Tiger Woods fiasco. Today I am stripping Loredana of her title and giving it to Hailey Grossman, of Jon Gosselin and drunk-in-a-plant fame. Just to refresh your memories, I crowned Loredana with the title Gross Baboon of the Year when she was flapping her gums about the book she was going to write about the Tiger Woods tryst, and alluding to Tiger’s homosexual activities. Loredana, dear…just because you were… Read More »

It really is a shame that dogs have gotten a bad rap because of the basic human need to name-call. What is more amazing than your dog? Nothing. The expression, “It’s a dog’s life” refers to the easy, pressure-free existence that our pampered dogs live. Laying, stretching, nibbling, laying, stretching, nibbling. They are plenty busy. But then, somewhere along the line, people started referring to other humans as dogs and not in a good way. How did that happen? If I was a dog, a real one, I would be pissed. Women call men dogs for looking at other women,… Read More »

V is For Victory for Tubby…I mean…Voluminously Voluptuous Women. To be clear, V Magazine is doing a whole issue with plus-sized models. This is a major statement for the normally anorexic audience that reads most uber-fabulous glossies. Didn’t they all start the trend in vomiting and other such lovely feats of strength to look thin and gorgeous. As a past fatty, I am glad that V is willing to dedicate this much attention and resources to acknowledge this audience. I just wonder if it will be the token fat issue and never again will we see an unsightly bulge…except in… Read More »

Yesterday, I Mean…What?!? shared the cover art for the upcoming issue of MUSE, the Fashionart Magazine from Milan shot by Yu Tsai, featuring Lindsay Lohan. You’d think by the the comments all over the internet that we did something malicious. You know, like the Bitches of Eastwick coming out of the woodwork, claiming that we had sex with Tiger Woods, (I’m breching at the thought, but would happily take the million bucks). Or sneaking into the White House illegally like Michaele and Tareq Salahi the desperadoes du jour. Or perhaps like Courtney (more facial fillers now) Love, accusing Britney Spears‘… Read More »

Ahhh, the journey of one person’s struggle to become a celebrity. How many of these situations have we watched unfold in front of our eyes. Lost count? I sure have. But I’d like to stop and discuss a few of these people who have hit the airwaves with a thunderous boom and share my perspective. Today’s article in The New York Times Style section about Jesus Luz, Madonna’s boyfriend, is a searing, riveting tale of how one poor, little boy in Brazil made his way to the top of the New York City heap, complete with publicist. Grab your hankies.… Read More »

Far be it from me to not appreciate a good marketing opportunity, but a blatantly gross one is surely worth mentioning, if not brech-ing from. Last night at the American Music Awards, a.k.a. the sell-out awards of the century, Coca-Cola hosted some kind of area that celebs went to in order for Coca-Cola to shnorr up a few photo ops. Naturally, since Pepsi has so effectively aligned themselves with the music industry over the past couple of decades (Michael Jackson, Britney, Mariah, etc.) Coke needed to think fast on garnering some of that limelight, without actually pushing what the music… Read More »

Here we have another edition of Last Five Minutes of Fame. This is an odd week because some of the people on this list are the current obsession of the media. Maybe it is wishful thinking. But I am testing my witching powers to see if by virtue of putting them on the list, if that has an impact on what we will see in the press going forward. Which is such a sad state of media affairs. I heard that Access Hollywood told a publicist that they only way they will cover an event if Jon Gosselin attends. Like… Read More »

It’s been a while since The Nobody News appeared on I Mean…What?!? and with the weather in New York City being so uber-dreary, I needed a lift. To all of you newbies, The Nobody News, is news about a bunch of nobodies…that think they are somebodies…and followed by a bunch of nobodies…who also wish they were somebodies. If you do not know what I just said, it pretty much sums up our current media fascination with a pack of annoying individuals. Looking at today’s news reports, it was clear that the Nobody News was aching for a comeback. With that,… Read More »

Men, we’ve come a long way since Fred Astaire and the Golden Age of Hollywood, when slicked-back hair, a clean-shaven face, spats, a top hat and tails were in vogue. Today that combination sounds more like a costume than a reality. Through the years our wardrobe has become much more casual, hair lengths went from the top of the ear down to the middle of the back, while beards and mustaches adorned our faces in countless variations. Fred was Elegant Chic and now we have Casual Chic, a term that is readily bandied about. This look could even be a… Read More »