“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Boy, it has been way too long since I did an entry of The Nobody News. Summer is usually the best time for TNN because virtually every nobody thinks they are somebody and virtually every nobody is wrong about that. We are all entitled to a good time for sure, just let’s relax about who gets included in Wire Image and Patrick McMullan. At least in The Evening Hours by Bill Cunningham in The New York Times Style section they feature people that are doing some good by attending fundraisers. So…nobodies with money. Ouch. This edition of The Nobody News… Read More »

Not that I didn’t predict this, but Mel Gibson has put the final nail in his own coffin…and all I can say is, “Toodles, you psychotic nut bag”. Listening to the chilling tape of Mel ranting to the mother of his newest baby, whom he has recently clocked in the jaw, I agree with Oksana Grigorieva when she says to him that he needs medication. However, the only the medication I would prescribe to that anti-semite is arsenic…to put him out of his misery once and for all. The pity here is that Hollywood has continued to go back to… Read More »

Here we go again….yet, another celebrity-turned-stink. This time, Bruce Willis is the man of the hour. Yup, because I know how much you have wanted to smell like Bruce Willis since his Moonlighting days. I personally wanted to smell like him when he was in Death Becomes Her, with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn. Speaking of which, these gals would NEVER sign on to become a fragrance. Back to Bruce. The Bruce Willis Collection includes an eau de parfum, hair and body wash, deodorant spray and after shave balm. HAIR?!? Have they seen him in the past 20 years? This… Read More »

Hi there. Big holiday weekend. Am already away and wondered what to write about today, sitting idly by a pool. There’s not that much happening in the news, beyond the controversy between Mel Gibson and his Russian gold digger, Oksana Grigieva. Who knows, maybe she is a Russian spy, too. We all know what a sick f#&k Mel is, now we can officially add him to the list of nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year Award. This is shaping up to be quite a year. The first annual awards presentation with be held at the end of the year.… Read More »

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore just quit. Between the lost passport drama in France and the boozy anklet nonsense, she must have gone bonkers. She’s been covering for Lindsay on all fronts, as at the recent photo shoot with the Cougar Lesbian. Anyone looking for a high-stress, low paying gig in the entertainment industry? Have fun. – TMZ Would you want to live in this Gross Baboon’s uber-tacky guido farm after this new Jeresy house-frau  got her stank all over it? I have been asking to exorcise that woman out of my home state for a week now. – E ONLINE… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »

Box Office Mojo reports, “It was Princesses over Persia among new releases, but the Middle Eastern desert romps generated such little heat that a relatively low-grossing Shrek movie topped them in its second weekend.” Ouch. Look, both Princess of Persia (as I like to call it) and Sex and the City Par Deux seemed so uninteresting, that no kidding they didn’t live up to the expectations of the Hollywood suites.  My friend Annie likes to say, ”Who wants to see a bunch of middle aged woman acting like they are still in their thirties, drinking and talking about sex.” Though… Read More »

Awww, poor baby. Skank got your tongue? And other similarly shaped parts? Jesse James sits down for an interview and surely he must feel remorse that his whole butch straight act is no looked at as a stupid, low rent, low class, nobody that lucked out. We’ve watched you from The Celebrity Apprentice through the Michelle Bombshell McGee debacle and the bottom line is….like every one of these skanks, you will rise from the ashes because the fact remains…Illicit Sex: The Stepping Stone to a Media Career. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5dscSiJyh8… Read More »

In a stunning politically correct move, Miss Michigan – Rima Fakih was crowned Miss USA 2010. Granted, she is beautiful, and perhaps indeed the rightful winner, but not having watched the show, I can not say whether she won hands down or whether she was crowned as a ploy to improve Arab-America relations abroad. Let’s go with the idea that she won on all her merits….riveting as they must be. Congratulations. Now, let’s go with my conspiracy theory: using the Miss USA worldwide platform as a political move on behalf of Donald Trump and Barack Obama. The plan was to… Read More »