“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

FINALLY, Gloria Allred will get her day in Lindsay Lohan court. After all the skanks Gloria has represented in the name of truth, justice and the American way, she was NEVER called into any of Lindsay’s many kerfuffles. (I love that word.) But now, as Lohan gets arrested for the umpteenth time and hauled into the precinct, a place she can soon call her home again, Gloria is taking the opposing side and representing that hag in question, Florida psychic, Tiffany Mitchell. FROM MARCH 18, 2011 You’ve got to love Gloria Allred. She is the omnipresent voice of reason, or… Read More »

Attention: Tiger Woods’ band of bosomy broads: Madame Allred is going to do you proud as she takes on the case of Natalie Khawan, the twin hooker, I mean sister, of Jill Kelley who is embroiled in this Petraeus Scandal.… Read More »

Finally Gloria “Madame” Allred can sleep soundly. After two hundred years of taking on the most high-profile-possible sensational cases to get maximum airtime, comes word that Allred has landed her own Judge Judy type show this fall. We The People With Gloria Allred will probably host her ex-clients, you know, those many hookers with a wallet of gold from cases past. Hopefully, she will have the reunion of all 13 Tiger Woods‘ skanks. Rachel Uchitel, get out your Jimmy Choos.… Read More »

Remember that sultry sweetheart from Tiger Woods‘ band of happy hookers, Rachel Uchitel? Well, turns out that there is life after scandal for this lip-locking, lip-enhanced, ex-doormat, I mean doorman from the Meatpacking District hot spots. Rachel, you may recall, was the only hooker that received an undisclosed several million dollars in exchange for keeping her trap shut, thanks to Madame Gloria Allred, her attorney mouthpiece. Anyhoo, Rachel having survived Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab, is launching her next business venture as a private eye. Yes, just when you are ready to have someone followed and investigate their dirty dealings, you can… Read More »

After a very heavy weekend of serious issues hanging over our heads…Ground Zero + Mosque = Nightmare, let’s take a respite from hard news. Today the airwaves are filled with a bunch of nobodies. In light of our failing economy, endless wars, catastrophe in Pakistan, we could use a dose of mindless blather. No? Let’s see who rates as major nobodies. Follow I Mean…What?!? on Twitter.… Read More »

Gloria Allred, freedom fighter for all the single ladies, all the single ladies, has done it again. She was the lawyer on the case of real estate/actress Jodie Fisher, who was entangled with Mark Hurd, CEO of HP, the world’s largest tech conglomerate. Hurd resigned abruptly on Friday as a result of this case after paying off Little Miss Muffet, who in turn will cough up like 50% of her winnings to Madam Allred. I could just hear how that negotiation went down. INT. MARK HURD’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON ALLRED: OK, Markie Mark, let’s cut to the chase. What ya’… Read More »

The Citi-Skank, Debrahlee Bombshell Lorenzana, who was fired for overt chi-chi wielding, is on the move to becoming a spokes-model-person for sexually harassed women. Lorenzana — who’s admitted to having had plastic surgery to enhance her now-famous assets — was also at the Sugar Dining Den & Social Club, in Carle Place, LI, Thursday night, meeting with owner Brian Rosenberg to discuss forming Women Against Sexual Harassment (WASH). Debrahlee…which sounds like a Playboy bunny name…has not hired Gloria Allred…YET. My prediction from last week…because I am always right is that Debrahlee will garner a media career and hire Gloria Allred.… Read More »

Have you been following this story in the news about Debrahlee Lorenzana, the curvy Citibank employee that claims she was fired for being to hot? How genius is this? I am sure that within minutes we will see Gloria Allred at her side, standing up for truth, justice and fifty-percent of the take in the lawsuit she has filed. She was told “she must refrain from wearing certain items of clothing, in particular, turtleneck tops, pencil skirts, fitted business suits, or other properly tailored clothing,” the suit says. “In blatantly discriminatory fashion, plaintiff was advised that as a result of… Read More »

Has anyone been following this Kirsten Dunst robbery court case that is currently under way? Could there be anything more ridiculous on Earth? First of all, this whole case is about a stolen bag from a hotel room. Why is this case in court? Was it a Birkin bag? Or, was it that new, Marc Jacobs “IT” bag? Did Kirsten wait months for the “IT” bag and just by nature of this being a case of the missing “IT” bag, does it heighten the relevance of this case? Is the “IT” bag guilty of stealing Kirsten Dunst’s title of “IT”… Read More »

Angelina Jolie is rumored to play the Wicked Witch of the West?!? Say it ain’t so. Don’t get me wrong, I love Angelina Jolie. I love her enough to tell her not to do this, as it is NOT the role of a lifetime. Gia was that for her. Forget about Angelina Jolie for a minute and let’s just discuss why anyone in Hollywood thinks they have what it takes to take on the challenge of remaking The Wizard of Oz. And please don’t tell me that Tim Burton wants to do it. Though he is brilliant and everything, his… Read More »