“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

LINDSAY: Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother.
BROOKE: Your mother is shit.… Read More »

From the Abe & Miriam Webster Dictionary of Abeisms: Lohan (Low–as in life– Han) to reduce (an object or career) to useless fragments, or remains, burning, or dissolving (bridges). injure beyond repair or renewal; demolish; ruin; annihilate (credibility). to put an end to or extinguish (career). to kill or slay (career). to render ineffective or useless; nullify; neutralize; invalidate (your everything). to defeat completely (any and all hopes of a comeback). Lindsay Lohan is no longer a just person, or an actress, lohan is now officially a verb. Replace lohan with the word destroy and you will see what I… Read More »

Somewhere Over The Fiscal Cliff (sung to the tune of Somewhere Over The Rainbow) should be the official swan song for Lindsay Lohan and the Republican House of Representatives.
Somewhere over the fiscal cliff,
Way down there.
There’s a bunch of gross baboons,
Drowning in their selfish pride.
Somewhere over the fiscal cliff,
John Boehner sobs,
And Paul Ryan is wishing that he never took Mitt’s call.… Read More »

Lindsay Lohan officially kisses her career goodbye.… Read More »

Radar Online is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is telling Dina Lohan that she needs rehab? If that ain’t the pot calling the kettle orange.… Read More »

Not a week after I said that Lindsay Lohan should lose those bangs comes her new ‘doo and I am taking full credit. Whatever. this, after she was mistaken for Debbie Harry who is FORTY years her senior. Too bad she didn’t do this for her return to Earth on Saturday Night Live. People would have been more focused on that rather than her cue-card festoon.… Read More »

Well, frankly, this Playboy cover is not as riveting as when Lindsay Lohan first showed us her nipple here on I Mean What?!? two years ago on the Muse magazine spread and accompanying video. Look, I have always wished her well—though I get flack for it—but I still do. Would love to see 2012 be the most productive for her. That is my holiday wish for Lindsay. Happy Ho Ho Ho. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLI8rWtU86M_i0&feature=player_embedded… Read More »

Tara Reid: The never-was was never married. And the lovely Family Lohan.… Read More »

Y’all know that I am a huge supporter of Lindsay Lohan, correct? Whatever the trials and tribulations, I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. Today—though I did hear some delicious gossip about Lindsay while she was in Santa Barbara this weekend. Forget it, I am not a yenta—I take pause with her choice of wedding ensemble. First of all, isn’t it a rule of thumb to not wear white unless you are the bride? Wasn’t that what started the huge cat fight last season on The Real Housewives of New York City? And that incensed the drunk one.… Read More »

The news that Lindsay Lohan dropped her last name to go by her first name only, is a move that I thoroughly support. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Abe, and I, too, go by my first name only. My business card says Abe and my company’s name is Abe. In fact, I don’t think anyone knows my last name. I sure don’t. It’s sort of like Just Jack, in that I am a gay man, but unlike Just Jack, I am a real person, which makes me more like Cher and Madonna. Since childhood, I have gone… Read More »