“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Everyone is getting fresh cheeks these days. It all started with Bernie Madoff’s wife Ruth, then several Real Housewives and plenty of actresses in Hollywood. But now that young starlets are getting them, well, oy. Ali Lohan used to be a fresh-faced cutey. Sure, no beauty like her sister Lindsay, but still, fresh-faced. Now she is fresh cheeked. See below image of Lindsay, freshly cheeked at Kim Kardashian’s wedding.… Read More »

Y’all know that I am a huge supporter of Lindsay Lohan, correct? Whatever the trials and tribulations, I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. Today—though I did hear some delicious gossip about Lindsay while she was in Santa Barbara this weekend. Forget it, I am not a yenta—I take pause with her choice of wedding ensemble. First of all, isn’t it a rule of thumb to not wear white unless you are the bride? Wasn’t that what started the huge cat fight last season on The Real Housewives of New York City? And that incensed the drunk one.… Read More »

Word spread like wildfire that Lindsay Lohan was caught with her pants down, well, she had to pull her pants down to pee on a stick so they could test her urine for alcohol content. Well, Lo-han and behold, guess who took a few nips of champagne at her champagne party? Honestly, even jail won’t help this chick. She needs to be slammed in a lock up rehab along with John Galliano. That’s of course if she ever wants to resume some assemblance of a life. Surely the courts will throw the book at her saying that she has squandered… Read More »

An acting job that is. Thank goodness Lindsay finally got the role of Kim Gotti in the upcoming, maybe to be made, Gotti Family Jewels, or whatever the working title is. She has had more near career comebacks for someone that has not left the front pages of the tabloids for a decade. Frankly, the role of Linda Lovelace was more compelling, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.… Read More »

The news that Lindsay Lohan dropped her last name to go by her first name only, is a move that I thoroughly support. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Abe, and I, too, go by my first name only. My business card says Abe and my company’s name is Abe. In fact, I don’t think anyone knows my last name. I sure don’t. It’s sort of like Just Jack, in that I am a gay man, but unlike Just Jack, I am a real person, which makes me more like Cher and Madonna. Since childhood, I have gone… Read More »

While we are on the subject of angry jerks, why not give a little shout out to Michael Lohan, father of Lindsay, who at the end of the day, doesn’t stand a chance to get off without jail time, since the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. However her sentencing goes down, I really feel for Lindsay Lohan. I have worked with her and think she is really great. But with a father like Michael, who needs enemies. He should also get his stupd ass on a plan to either Haiti or Japan and make himself useful. He could… Read More »

The video shows that Miley Cyrus has had just about enough crap from everyone, especially the paparazzi. I say, you go, girl. Look at the comments that people have for Miley Cyrus who sticks up for her mom at this recent quagmire. She is dynamic and everyone else can just buzz off. RECENT MILEY ACTION: Would everyone just leave Miley Cyrus alone? She is forever getting trashed in the media about how she lives her life. Yoo, hoo. She is having the time of her life away from those needy parents of hers. She’s my new Lindsay Lohan….sans legal trouble…so… Read More »

Rather than go on a vitriol of my own about the tone of this past election cycle, which I am fully convinced is due in large part to the way Sarah Palin ran her personal popularity contest, I’d rather bring a little light and levity to what is now a time for heavy hearts. This weekend, a tragedy of tremense proportions has befallen on Arizona, and the world. Any way you slice it, it was no different than the underwear bomber of last Christmas, and every other recent terrorist act. Acts that are becoming way too commonplace in a world… Read More »

OK, so Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab. Big whoop. And she is moving to Venice, next door to Samantha Ronson. Like that was not the plan? Naturally, everyone is quick to judge Lindsay for stalking Sam, when frankly, that entire relationship from the get go was a garden variety, two-way street obsession, typical of many lesbian affairs. Oooh…..like I am wrong? There is something distinct about most lesbian relationships that I have observed first hand, through many close friendships. And you just don’t want to get into the middle of that, especially if you are a guy, because you… Read More »

It has been a while since I have mentioned Lindsay Lohan on I Mean…What?!? Frankly, her life resembles the movie Ground Hog Day as opposed to the light, frothy Mean Girls. Lindsay is suffering from The Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome, which is getting old…and the only heroine in the story is the cocaine. Rather than be like everyone else and judge her ad nauseum, I chose to stay out of the fray and let her chips fall where they may. And watching the endless turns of event, I would love to get my hands on a set of those… Read More »